Hanging On (A Keemstar X Leafy Fanfic)

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[A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates.. 

I just finished writing Let Me In and I am now working on a Jojian fic so sorry if there aren't as many updates for this.. ]

It was bright out. Far too bright for the storm of thoughts that was raging throughout Calvin's head. Especially in the situation he was currently in. Sunlight streamed through the large glass windows of Perks Coffee and brought warmth to one side of Calvin's face, dancing on the surface of his skin.

"So why New York?" Daniel asked from across the table.

Calvin looked up from the steam of his coffee that had looked so interesting moments before. They had just been sitting there in silence for the past few minutes and honestly, the younger man hadn't expected Keem to speak.

"I made a list for where I would travel when I retired.. long story short, New York was first on that list." He didn't make eye contact with the other man as he took a sip of his warm coffee.

"What were the other places?" He asked, trying to start up a casual conversation.

".. Well.. I'm pretty sure that I wrote Amsterdam down.. I'm not sure about the others. I didn't write it down but I really want to spend some more time in the UK. It's pretty chill there."

Daniel nodded as he sipped at the top of his coffee, disliking how the barista had filled it far too close to the brim. He hated coffee.

Calvin was still as introverted as ever. Clearly not much had changed from that meetup they went to a while ago. He still rubbed at his nose when he was uncomfortable and carried himself in a way that just screamed 'insecure'. The only difference was that now he wore some kind of jacket or hoodie to distract from the amount of weight he had lost that would definitely worry his teen audience. The dark colors he wore helped to cover up that fact as well, contouring his body in the dim light of his facecam videos.

"So, I saw your video.." Something akin to panic flashed on Calvin's face before it was replaced with dread as he prepared for the laughter and taunts that were surely soon to come.

"Go ahead and laugh." He said, turning his head slightly to avoid the other man's gaze.

Daniel raised an eyebrow. He'd made it clear in the past that he hates Calvin, but somehow that hate had softened into something less violent and now he wasn't sure how he felt about the deteriorating man in front of him. Should he feel bad? Should he give him all of the pity he could? Should he despise him? Should he tell him he deserves everything that's happened to him? Daniel was so lost.

"I'm not going to laugh." His voice was flat.

"You would any other time.. What's wrong with you?"

Daniel's brows furrowed at the response. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?" His voice had rose. "You tried to-" He glanced around and lowered his voice a little higher than a whisper. "You tried to fucking kill yourself."

Something flashed in Calvin's eyes before it disappeared and was replaced by a shrug and the response, "Well, I am a pussy after all."

"Shut the fuck up and finish your coffee. We're going to my place after this."

This time it was Calvin who raised an eyebrow. Somehow the slight change made him look even more tired than he already did.

"Who said I was going to your place?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I did." Daniel pulled a bill from the fold of his wallet and secured it beneath his barely touched coffee cup.

"Well I'm not. Like hell I'm going anywhere with a fucking sociopath."

The older man laughed. "If I'm a sociopath then you are too."

Calvin stood from the table in one movement and Daniel was surprised he could manage something like that in the state he's in. The man was out the door with the other booking after him.

Calvin had taken an uber and still had yet to buy a car of his own, leaving him practically stranded with his apartment being a bit more than four blocks away.

He hadn't speedwalked far from the coffee shop before Keemstar had grabbed his arm and began pulling him in the opposite direction. It wasn't exactly forceful, as Keem was minding his fragile body at the moment as they neared a small parking lot that he had probably parked in.

"I said I'm not going." He said as he tried pulling his arm away to know avail when the man tried to push him into the passenger seat. He knew it probably not the best way to go about the situation but it's not like Calvin would listen to him anyway.

The next thing he knew, a hand had taken hold of the front of his hoodie, causing it to ride up a bit and his back was pressed against the white car.

"Listen, I don't care if you don't want to go or not. You look like shit, just look at your fucking stomach, Calvin. You're not even remotely healthy."

"Why the fuck do you even care? You had no problem posting my personal matters all over twitter and YouTube and throwing me under the bus when it benefitted you! So why the fuck should you care if I'm healthy or not?"

"I threw you under the bus?" Calvin was met with a slap to the face that caused his head to turn and his skin to burn. "You're pathetic. I didn't throw you under the fucking bus. It was the other way around. Now get in the fucking car." Despite the curses in his words, his tone had softened a bit as Calvin hesitated before opening the door and sitting in the passenger seat, an unreadable expression on his partly red face.

He shouldn't care about him. After everything and he still felt bad about hitting Calvin, although he wouldn't mind doing it again since it certainly got his point across. It was something he'd been wanting to do back when the man had made his first video on Keemstar. Just hit him. Something to inflict pain on him since nothing he did on YouTube seemed to effect his robot like actions and mentality. It sounds terrible, but according to everyone that's exactly what he was.

His eyes flicked over to Calvin as he turned the key and started the car. The man was staring out the window, the sunlight dancing against his skin once again as he chewed on his bottom lip, that unreadable expression still present.

"I'm sorry."

No answer.