Moonlight Desire (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 35

Rylan POV

"Nooooo..... Don't leave me. I beg you...." I screamed and crying until my throat becomes sore. The person I loved had left me. In addition, the last moment we shared only a bitterness. He didn't remember me until the end.

He kept calling his dead mate in slept and awoke. I was nothing more than a bystander to him was. It pains me when he tried to recollect our life together but later ended with a mountain of regret. He regretted married to me. He was regretting filling someone else after the death of his mate.

His statement makes me think over the life we spent together. Was it true? Or is it only a sympathized? Had he ever loved me? I don't know and I don't want to know the true. However, his dead really left a big hollow in my life.

I suddenly feel jaded with everything. The prejudice side that had been long in buried surface again. I feel the emptiness and numb to any pain. I am so tired, stressed, aggravated, annoyed, pissed, and fed up. I am closing myself off. I can't take no more. Tired fucking trying and it does no good in the end.

For one I realize no matter how much I have craved for the love, it never was mine to begin it. Everything served as the lies, just like an illusion in the Sahara Desert. I don't even want to try anymore because I feel unwanted, annoying and afraid that all I'll ever be.

Allen cried also had hurt me deepened. The small child refused to share his experience during the kidnaped. No matter how we persuaded he didn't spilled anything. We can't determine how much traumatic he was or the damage he took. Nevertheless, he had indeed changed too much. From the caring and cheerfulness boy he turns to distant and gloom. From the patience boy to impatience boy. He will shout and angry over a small thing that not suit in his way.

The pack's Beta also needs to call Alpha Kai to inquire all the information related to kidnapped case. Thankfully they tell us everything but didn't touch too much about Allen's condition. They just tell us that Allen witnessed Alfred tortured session.

I lost the track of time during the funeral period. I don't know what is going on as my mind trapped in maze block. Honestly, Alfred last treatment getting into my nerve so badly. My body and hand was going colder as many people come to hugs and shakes a condolence to me.

Everything they said or told just flow as a river. The words got into the right ear and leave through left ear. I can't even explain how I feel anymore, my thought is so messed up in my head that I don't even understand them.

I give up. To move on is to grow yet I haven't been able to accomplish either. I know yet I can't bring myself to move forward. My mind filled with black clusters that had been blocked all the wills to live on. I know I'm being difficult and selfish here.

However, I already drown before I can move my hand and feet to swim. Everything happened until this point proven that I'm disqualified as a human. Just like what the bullies told me, I just a waste of space, means nothing nor worth to be loved.

Allen wailed and cried during the funeral become deafened to my ears, blocking any other people. My watery eyes work an automated as they start burying my husband. The weather also not in good mood. The thunder roars in the sky but it can't shake my body anymore.

I feel an electricity spark when Ivan touched me. I saw a silent tear fills his orbs that reflected my ugly figure in it. I witnessed the same sadness as me in him as well. It has like our heart and feeling wave in the same rhythm.

For one I forget every bad thing he had done on me. For one I feel so fucking glad when he keep a silence accompany beside me. The people start leaving the ground when the rain start hit the ground but it was not enough to make me walking away.