Am I good enough yet? (Phan)

Chapter 12

I'm not sure about this chapter... I feel like it's pretty bad.
----------------------------------------------

Phil's P.O.V

I was running down the streets, my chest becoming tight, my breathing laboured. An acidic taste was filling my mouth, but I kept on going.

I was terrified, frantic. I balled my hands into fists, digging my nails into my skin, leaving purple- blue crescent shapes behind. My palms were sweating.
There was Dan's apartment, the front door to the complex at least- I hadn't worked up the nerve to go in yet...
I know PJ said that he wasn't there, but where else could he be?
I had nowhere else to try.

I fumbled in my pocket for the keys Dan gave me, and pushed open the white door.
There were off cream stairs in front of me, ones I'd been up before, but I don't think I'd ever been as nervous as this.

Number 11, 2nd floor.
I knew exactly where it was, where to go, but I couldn't bring myself to knock.
I couldn't do it at first because I knew there wouldn't be an answer, and after that I didn't have any options left.
I mightn't have gone through that door at all, had it not been for the text:

'Phil, I'm scared. Please can you come to my place? I need help."

I didn't even hesitate.
I was in that room in a matter of seconds and, as soon as I looked inside, I was stunned into silence.
There on the other side was Dan, backed up against a wall. I could see a little bruising under his left eye, and the prints of fingers on his wrist.
There was a man there, hands on either side of Dan's head, screaming at him.
A woman stood behind the pair, blissfully content at watching the scene unfold.
His words were harsh, forceful and violent. Each like an emotional punch to my poor bear, every syllable forcing another tear down his face. And another. And another.
His laugh was sadistic, twisted. He wasn't enjoying this exactly, but he was damn close.
"You're pathetic aren't you Dan? You insolent waste of air. I almost wish we hadn't come to visit, it's pitiful! I mean look at you! Me and your mother, oh fucking hell we tried.
We tried to get you a perfect education, the perfect uni, the perfect job. Hell, we even tried to get you the perfect girl. But no! You weren't interested you ungrateful. Little. Freak.
Thank god we have your brother, at least he has some worth. Not like you. And you're not even sorry!"
"B-but D-dad what am I meant to be sorry for? I d-don't u-understand?" Dan's voice was barley a whisper, cracking like glass. Splintering like wood. He sounded like a kid.
It hit me then. A tiny little bear, backed up against the wall like he is now. Being told over and over that he's not good enough.
This obsession with perfection, it's more than that.
It's a part of his life. It's what he's been taught.
It breaks my heart.

It made me angry too, nobody hurts Dan, not when I'm around. He's my soft loveable bear, and I don't understand how is own father could look him in the eyes and break him over and over like that.
How did he end up so sweet? How with barely any love in his life did he become such a thoughtful and gentle person?
It made me realise I'm proud of him, for ever getting this far.
I love him so much, more than I realised.

I was soon snapped back into reality, my thoughts crumbling around me.

"What should you be sorry for? Everything! Your pointless life, that's what.
You became what we dreaded."
"Imperfection?"
"See! You do get it Dan, too late though isn't it? You're already hopeless and alone. Unlovable."
"Actually..." I don't know what came over me, but soon I was walking towards Dan, and words were falling out of my mouth as fast as tears were spilling down Dan's face.
I grabbed his hand.
Trembling.
Oh god he was so afraid.
"He isn't alone. I don't think we've met, Phil, by the way. Your sons boyfriend."
I felt Dan's head snap up towards me, yet he didn't pull away, didn't argue. He smiled.
"Oh..." Was the only word to leave his fathers lips.

I felt his parents scrutinising eyes judging me, assessing my appearance, my words.
It was silent for a while, and there was a long gap before our gazes finally locked again.

It wasn't me who spoke first, to fill this space, it was bear...
"Am I good enough yet?"