The Unexpected Exorcism

”Now boarding flight 346 B to Romania.” I heard the voice say from the airport speakers. I quickly grabbed my bag of necessities and walked over to the gate. The man at the gate scanned my pass effortlessly and looked at me with a warm smile “have a nice trip” he said cheerfully. I thanked him and walked over to the plane. “You know he was only being nice because he pitied you, right?” said Maria. I rolled my eyes, but I didn’t answer because I was in public. I wouldn’t want people thinking I’m talking to myself. I sat down in my assigned seat. I pulled up my phone, plugged in my headphones and opened Spotify. I started playing the playlist titled “Shut up Maria” and instantly, the familiar beat of a My Chemical Romance song started blaring in my ears, completely shutting out the nagging voice of Maria. Suddenly I felt Maria take control of my hand.

She used my hand to turn off my phone completely. “Think about this. You are not worthy of the relief of being rid of me. I have been with you for the past 17 years Alex. You can’t just let that go and kill me with an exorcism!” she screamed in my ears, making me flinch at the noise which earned me a few odd looks from some passengers. I knew she was going to do this. After living with her for 17 years I have gotten to know her idiosyncrasies. As soon as I make a move to silence her or get rid of her, she immediately starts to panic and scolds me. It wasn’t until recently that I decided that I needed an exorcism to have her removed.

 I have never been without her, so it might be a bit strange to not have her criticize everything I do. I wonder if when she reincarnates she will be a nicer person. Maybe we’ll meet again when she’s living again and become friends? No, I doubt that. “You know I can hear everything you think right? Rhetorical question, I know you know. So please stop thinking about me!” she said to me. God, she’s annoying. I decided to close my eyes, and I drifted off to the black void to the sound of Maria yet again criticizing me.

I woke up to Maria screaming in my ear “Wake up. The plane has landed”. What a wonderful way to wake up. Not. I took my bag of necessities and walked to the exit. I took a deep breath and let it go as I walked out the door of the plane. Soon I’ll be free. I walked over to the side of the road, looking out at the parking lot for a taxi. There was an unusual amount of black cars around, which I found quite odd because in America the most popular color of car is white or silver. As I scanned the parking lot, a yellow car caught my eye. It was my taxi.

 I walked over to it and knocked on the window to get the drivers attention. She looked at me with quite a panicky look, as if she had been expecting a monster. When she realized I wasn’t a threat she rolled down the window and said in a very shaky voice “Tu ești fata eu ar trebui să iau?”. I looked at her questioningly. I heard Maria sigh. “She obviously doesn’t know you don’t speak her language. Idiot” I rolled my eyes at her.

I opened my mouth to explain that I didn’t speak her language, but she cut me off with a thick British accent.

 “I’m just kidding, I know who you are. Hop in the back sweetie.” I nodded at her and opened the door to the passenger seat and sat down. After about ten minutes of pointless conversation she finally parked the car in front of the hotel. “And here we are. The ride is on me, don’t worry. Good luck.” I nodded at her and said my goodbyes. I closed the door and breathed in the fresh air. It smelled like newly cut grass and pollen. I walked forwards towards the entrance but Maria took control of my foot for a split second, making me fall on the ground. I silently cursed her. She really doesn’t want me to go through with this exorcism. I carefully pulled myself off of the ground, making sure that she didn’t make me fall down again. I dusted myself off and walked through the tall glass doors leading to the hotel lobby.

As soon as I received the key to my room, I took the stairs up to the third floor and unlocked the door. I breathed in the air, a fresh smell of soap filling my nostrils. I walked towards the double bed at the right corner of the room, unpacking my bag. As I was taking out my favorite t shirt, my vision slowly faded to red. I ran to the bathroom, vomiting green goo. I felt a force pull me back towards the wall and i felt the skin on my scalp splitting open, blood staining the white walls. I heard the horrified screams of a woman as I fell unconscious.

I regained my consciousness and tried to move my arms, but to no avail. I quickly realized that my body was floating above my bed and my arms and legs were tied down. An inhuman scream escaped my mouth. It sounded like it was a choir of demons orchestrated by Lucifer himself. MY head spun around and I felt my neck slowly breaking, as my head continued to rotate until the bone was completely shattered. My head continued going around in slow circles. I felt nothing but pain and sickness fill my body. I couldn’t breathe. 

Every single breath I tried to take was just a big sigh and a gasp. Suddenly I felt a burning hot liquid being sprinkled on my body and a bunch of indistinctive mumbling. My spine arched at the burning sensation as another scream of pain escaped my mouth. I felt my body sink down onto the bed yet again, and my body was paralyzed. I couldn’t move or talk. I could only listen. I heard words coming out of my mouth in an unfamiliar language.“Ego sum a diabolo! Mater in Infernum absorbet gallus!” said the voice. That sure as hell was not my voice. I’ve lost all control, I can only listen as the exorcism is slowly killing everyone in the room. 

“Look what you have done Alex! You fucking moron! Now your body is his!” I heard Maria’s voice say inside my head and I felt my soul being dragged down, the air getting increasingly warm the further I fall. The air was burning my skin and I felt it fall off. I heard people screaming; Men, women, children. All of them were screaming, and so was I. I felt a sudden force push me up against a dark orange rock wall, it felt like a person had pushed me. I heard the familiar yelling of Maria fill my ears.

“Look what you did! I told you not to get an exorcism and you did it anyway! Well, now your body is his and you and me are both doomed!” She said, her voice cracking through the sentence as if she was crying. I felt a tear fill my eye. The tear fell down, but evaporated before it reached my cheek. Suddenly, I felt a rush of hope go through me. A smile stretched across my face. I remembered that a couple of weeks ago, I discovered a purification spell. I took a deep breath and screamed at the top of my lungs “Clamavi ad te meo forte putes animo,

Corruptionis commodo meo forte putes animo,

Mundabunt illud,”

“What are you doing?!”

“I’m saving both of us, now repeat after me!”

 “Clamavi ad te meo forte putes animo,Corruptionis commodo meo forte putes animo,Mundabunt illud, et nunc tantum relinquere puritatis,Ut det mihi ad divinitatem” 

I felt my body going numb and a feeling of pure bliss filled all my senses as my spirit started to rise up to the heavens. Our souls have been freed.