The Ranch

A New Life

As I walk in the airport, it all begins to sink in. What if I never see my friends again? What about my sports, sports that I have played since I could walk? I can't believe this is happening. I begin to have a panic attack. My mother's friend looks at me with a worried smile. I excuse myself to the bathroom. In the bathroom, I feel like the wind has just been knocked out of me. I feel pain and hurt like I have never felt before. My heart feels heavy, and a lump starts to form in my throat. I grab my inhaler out of my carry on and breathe it in. My breathing returns to normal and I try to calm myself. My phone buzzes and I pull it out of my pocket. It's from Zach. Zach was like my brother. He lived right next door and he had always been my best friend. I was going to miss him most of all. He was sending another goodbye text. My heart just broke at this point. I knew I could never come back to my old life. This was a new beginning and I was just going to have to accept it.

The day my parents and sister died, I remember me screaming and running to Zach's house. Blood covered me and I tripped as I ran. Finally, I made it to the steps and collapsed. Zach's mother was immediately by my side. Soon after, the cops arrived. The neighbors came out and everything began to sway. I couldn't breathe. I fell in the grass outside my yard. Zach scooped me up and took me to his house. I rested on there couch for who knows how long. I just felt a numbness in my chest.

Sitting on the plane, this particular memory comes back to me. I feel a tear begin to fall down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away before anyone can see. Ella, my moms friend grabs my hand and gives it a sympathetical squeeze. She knows i'm scared. I feel her eyes on me and it makes me uncomfortable. I put my beats on and try to zone everything out. I understand trying to erase it all isn't healthy and I know i'm not dealing with the problem at hand, but right now I can't handle it all. I drink my ginger ale and stare out the window. The clouds are beautiful and it gives me hope. I can handle anything. No matter what, I have to. Stay strong. Bury the pain. Smile. Play it off as if nothing ever happened.

I wake up right before the plane lands. Immediately I grasp my surroundings and try to take it in. Once I realize it's safe I relax. I grab my bag and take a sip of water. I fix my makeup and brush my hair. The plane is loud and makes it nearly impossible to think straight. I look at my outfit, skinny jeans, black steel toed combat boots, and a pink crop top. Putting my headband on, I feel people looking at me. I hear murmors and I look up at the tv channel the plane is playing. There I see, my picture from a few years ago with my family. All of us smiling and happy. I swallow and look down. Everyone knows it me. I'm that girl...the one whose parents were murdered and the girl who stabbed the man. The lump begins to form in my throat again. I immediately reach for my phone and text Zach. He always knows what to do. Meanwhile, I retie my boots and zip my bag up. Ever since the accident, I always am prepared to run, I know it's not healthy but it's now a habit. My bag has granola bars, water bottles, money, makeup, credit card, gum, portable charger, and last of all my knife. It's a small one the folds up and I carry it on me all the time. The man let me slip it through without any comment. The knife makes me feel safer. When I bought the knife, I got a brown leather belt with a sheath. At home, I have it on me at all times. And, I plan on keeping it that way. The plane lands and I am the first one off. I try to relax and Ella heads to the bathroom. Some older guys head over and they say, "Look dude, it's the girl who stabbed that guy." I couldn't take it anymore...I was tired of people saying the same damn thing. I turned around so fast and nailed him in the jaw. It took him by surprise and he stumbled back a few steps. "Don't say that. Ever again." I say calmly and walk away. I hear the other guys making fun of the dude I just punched. My hand is a little sore and it hurts to move it. I go and grab a sip of water and wait for Ella.