summer school // phan

12

Phil offered me a drive home and so I waited outside for him. Within about 5 or so minutes I felt a tap on my shoulder, "Ready?" He questioned, I nodded back in response and he led me back to his car. We drove in mostly silence other then faint music playing. We shortly arrived at my house and I thanked Phil and walked in the door and the house was extremely quiet. As soon as I closed my door I realized that Phil had witnessed me having a panic attack, I was vulnerable and he could've easily beat me up or something for being rude but I guess Phil just wasn't that type of person. Maybe he had forgiven me. Maybe what I did wasn't that bad? Maybe I was being over dramatic and what I think I did to Phil didn't actually hurt his feelings. I hope that I haven't upset yet another person. I guess I didn't do anything horrible; I only told him that I couldn't be his friend. Only someone weak would be massively upset about that. If someone told that to me I probably would have been messed up for life.

I wanted to be Phil's friend and although he thinks otherwise, I'm not stable enough to be a friend to someone. I'll just mess everything up.

Phil's POV

I wasn't upset at Dan, what he said wasn't the worst thing someone has said to me. I think Dan and I both need a friend so I don't see why we can't be each other's friend. I had always been content with having no friends or being invited to things so why did I want to be friends with Dan so badly? I didn't want to be friends with anyone else, just Dan. He didn't push me away today so maybe he's warming up to the idea of us being friends. I hoped he was doing well since of his...er...incident earlier. I decided to text him since he had given it to me while we were doing the projects together.

To: Dan
Hey, it's Phil

To: Dan
I just wanted to ask if you're doing ok?

I waited patiently for him while I went on my computer just browsing the internet. I heard a familiar notification sound, indicating I had received a text; instantly I shot up to grab it and to my excitement, it was Dan.

Text from: Dan
Hey

I frowned to see only a 'hey' but opened the message app to see three dots meaning he was typing. I waited, staring at the screen until the text showed up. I was surprised at what I saw.

Text from: Dan
I'm doing okay and thank you for helping me today. Please don't tell anyone what happened though. I can't have my parents find out.

Why couldn't his parents find out? Not that I would tell them and that's not just because I didn't know them well. I started typing a response.

To: Dan
You looked like you needed a friend and I was worried about you.

As soon as I sent the text message, I regretted saying it. He'll probably think I'm obsessed with him, he wouldn't worry about me and now he must think that I'm pathet- just then, he sent another text.

Text from: Dan
Nobody's actually ever cared...so thanks but don't worry about me, you have your own life and people to worry about

To: Dan
I don't really but if you ever need me, I'm here, ok?

Text from: Dan
Ok :)

Maybe Dan and I can actually be friends? I really want to have a friend and even though he won't admit it, I think Dan wants a friend too.

---

Dan's POV

After texting Phil it made me happy that he seemed to care about me but I was also sad because I knew that if I became friends with him that I would drag him down and I didn't want to grow an attachment to him then if he found out I was gay and ditched me like Pj did, I would again have nobody and be even more broken than before. I wouldn't be able to handle it. I guess I could just not tell Phil but I'm sure he would find out. I did have the idea that he might like me but that wasn't something that seemed right. I'm sure he's just a nice person but then it didn't make sense why he wanted to be friends with the school's 'bad boy'. Maybe I'm just looking to far into this; perhaps I should just let it go and see what happens.