Deadpool gets in his Dead-Buggy and drives back to Weasel's apartment. He walks up the stairs and into the apartment. Wade hears crying and he gets confused. He opens the door to find Weasel sobbing on the couch watching Titanic. "Why did she let go??", Weasel says, still crying. Wade quietly closes the door so that Weasel wont hear him enter. He then yells out, "What in the fucking shit-ass is this! Titanic?". Weasel quickly pauses the movie and says, "Oh....um...I was watching a....documentary?". "Since when the fuck did we own Titanic?", Wade angrily asks. "I wasn't watching Titanic, I was watching.....Citanit?"
"Whatever, I ain't got time for this shit. I gotta head for D.C. in 3 days."
"Wade shouts, "WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SUITCASE!!". "Check the closet in the bedroom", Weasel says to Wade. Wade walks into the bedroom and into the closet. "What are you even going to D.C. for?", asks Weasel. "Cause I get the honor of attempting to murder Trump and actually doing it", Wade says as he "Oh....well good luck with that."
"Thanks, but I wont need it. I'm Deadpool remember?"
Weasel slowly nods in agreement and turns back to the TV still paused on Titanic. Weasel turns the TV off and stands up.
"Well, old pal. It's time for me to leave"
"I thought you said you leave on Friday"
"I do.", Wade zips his suitcase. "But I have to buy more gear and ammo if I'm gonna break into the White House."
"Yeah, you're gonna need it. Those motherfuckers got all kind of guns and shit", Weasel tells Wade as he walks to the refrigerator.
"See ya later, pal."
"When are you coming back?"
"I don't know. I'll come home after I kill Trump, I guess"
"See ya"
Wade takes his suitcase off of the table and leaves the apartment.
DATE: MARCH 18, 2017
"Hey, boss! You there?"
"Yes, Deadpool. Give me your location"
"I'm driving to the White House now. I got the ammo, the explosives, everything in the trunk"
"What the! Deadpool! You fucking imbecile! They'll see all of it!"
"Relax. They're made to look like peanuts and water. I'm gonna sell the bomb peanuts to the security guards."
"This better work, Deadpool"
"Don't worry, after a couple booms and bangs, I'll walk into the Oval Office and blow his fucking brains out"
"Just complete the mission"
"Will do, boss! DP out."
Deadpool parks in a alley where no one can see him. He takes his explosive peanuts and water out of the trunk and puts them on a tray that he hangs around his neck.
"Peanuts and water! For guards only! Peanuts and water!"
Deadpool enters the White House. He finds himself in a crowded tourist line. "And here you'll see the severed head of Abraham Lincoln!", the tourist said.
Deadpool manages to squeeze himself through the crowd. "Jesus! It's like everyone on this fucking planet smells like spray tan and chicken!", Deadpool says quietly to himself. When Deadpool's not looking, a tourist grabs a bag of peanuts and a bottle of water. Deadpool sees 2 guards and asks them if they are thirsty. They both say yes and Deadpool gives them water. The guards both collapse. Deadpool chuckles an somewhat annoying laugh. He makes his way down a hallway. He turns a corner and hears guards walking towards his area. He puts the peanut and water tray down and runs to another wall. He leans on the wall and opens a secret room. The room has nothing but a door in it. Deadpool opens the door. Upon walking into the room, Deadpool realizes he found the Oval Office. He starts jumping with joy, but he does it silently. He makes his way over to the office chair sitting at the desk. He sits in it and faces the window. He whispers, "Hot damn! We've fucking did it, Wade!". He spins the chair around to find a familiar face standing in the middle of the room. "Hello, Wade Wilson.", the person says. "What in the ass! Taskmaster!"
"I knew you'd be here"
"What! How!"
"My boss tells me everything. He knows everything"
"Who's your boss?", Deadpool asks angrily.
"The President, Mr. Donald J. Trump"
"Shit! I was gonna kill him!"
An bomb explodes in the White House.
"Shit! I forgot the peanuts!"
"Peanuts?"
"Yeah, I maybe have put bombs in the peanuts"
"In the peanuts?"
A guard bursts into the Oval Office. "Mr. President, are you oka....", The guard says before stopping his sentence at the sight of Deadpool and Taskmaster. He pulls his gun from his holster and begins shooting at them. They both shoot at him and the guard collapses. "Fuck....now what are we gonna do?"
"We?"
"Yeah, we gotta stick together! Like black people and fried chicken!"
"Wade, what the fuck are you even talking about?"
Multiple guards enter the room.
"Aw shitsticks!", Deadpool says in disappointment and anger.
