My Love For Grace

Chapter 10.

"Grace, what're you going to do?" Mar asked me after three hours of silence echoing through our thoughts. I've thought about everything, and nothing.
I'm going to love him for the rest of my life why don't I just let him be mine forever? He's my soul mate.

I couldn't come to a solid form of words so I just frowned and shrugged my shoulders. How else could I answer this? Do I just hide through everything?

Well that got you so damn far, Grace months ago hiding through the fact hat Jesse just up and left you. You were a bad bitch then. Your boss pretty much is madly in love with you, at 21 do you really want to end up being the peppy engaged bitch bragging about the asshole who broke your heart?

"Sweet you need to rest, you look like your lost." Scar said trying to once again convince me to sleep. How can I sleep I'll just have nightmares. Nightmares about what my life would be like, and I'll just cry because I don't wanna do what I know in my head I should do.
"I know who I need Scar, can you call Christopher?" I hardly whispered out. I need my brother. My closest brother. The one who remained my favorite person for years. He's always helped me make a decision. He helped me make a decision about colleges because hell if id listen to my parents. I needed expert advice, and unbiased.
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"G, wake up." Chris was in my bedroom worried about me. I finally fell asleep in the living room couch, and I suppose the girls shifted me into this room. To his surprise I probably look so out of control, I've never been this way. Ever. "The babes out there told me what happened." He nodded towards the red box on my dresser. Great place to put it ladies. "You need my expertise?"
I couldn't answer I just nodded and cried. My 9 month older brother walked over to my bed and curled me up in his arms. Chris was the second most attractive man I've ever seen, he's got my blonde luscious hair, abs galore, a very big heart and green eyes that'll melt everyone's heart. Chris pulled me in and I soon fell back into a deep slumber thinking about Jesse, should I agree with this proposal. Do I really love him still or do I love the image of being more adult and beautifully unbroken? That's the everlasting question. Do I still love him? Or is the love I've gained for myself taking up the room in my heart that Jesse had made void? I'm new, I dress nicer, I spend less money. I actually have a great paying job that I'm doing great at. I graduate in 6 weeks, and I've come to all my big dreams in life: to live for me.
I shouldn't have to take a step back. I don't want to go back to a scared life, hidden doing what they want. I need Jesse to come back. I'm not saying yes or no but we need to discuss our lives I need to tell him what I expect of myself now. I'm a paralegal, I'm needed and wanted. My boss eye fucks me anytime he sees me which in return boosts my ego tremendously.
When I woke up Jesses voice was the first thing I heard and my heart leaped out of my chest, Jesse; my Jesse is still here. I realized I wasn't in anyone's hold so I slowly opened my eyes looking around my bedroom to see if it's safe. Much to my surprise, I was alone. Although for months I was alone, I was happy. I wanted to be alone from time to time.
I got out of bed starting to feel horrible, so I did what I thought I should do-shower finally.
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After a relaxing half an hour shower I think I was ready to face the music and the people in my apartment. I didn't realize Jesse would come back so soon, after he asked me and I sat down. On the floor, everything was a blank. I somehow made it to an empty couch and started breathing again but that's all I remember.
I walked out to my living room feeling like a stronger lady, finally being able to really understand why this is a hard decision for me to make. I was going to tell Jesse "no." For becoming his wife now, I'm going to tell Jesse that I'd like to try the dating thing again. It's been almost a year since he's left. The brokenness is almost healed, and I am new. He needed to see if he could handle the change too, because I can't go backwards.