secret love song

I Wish That It Could Be Like That

I had always wanted you to re-love me again but that never seemed to happen. After the break up, you treated me like I was the scum on your shoe. It hurt, I'll admit, but I was so blinded by love I let you hurt me. It wasn't always like this. You weren't always this cruel to me. You used to love me with so much fire that, sometimes, I was afraid we would burn something down because we couldn't control it. You couldn't control it. I wish that I could be like that again. I may not be there there with you anymore but, Taehyung, I still fucking love you.

I wish we could go back to the days before everything turned to shit. I wish that it could be like that for one more day. I may have had a short relationship with Hoseok, but I just couldn't keep up with it because he wasn't you. I wish you would come to your senses and love me once again. I wish I didn't have to leave after that one drunken night. I wish that our lives were different from what they are now.

I heard that you and Jimin are planning on getting married. Congratulations. I hope you make each other very happy. I hope you show each other all the love in the world. Actually, fuck that. How could you do this to me Taehyung? Why? I'm so fucking pissed off at you right now. I can't believe I'm still writing this shitty ass thing to you because it's not like it'll change your mind. You're with him now and you truly love him. I should be happy for you, I really should, but I'm selfish. I'm selfish because you were supposed to be my forever, not his. Taehyung, I love you so much and hearing this news--seeing--this news has shattered my heart completely. Why'd it have to be him, why couldn't it have been me?

Taehyung, you've hurt me so deeply. Don't you know that's why I left in the first place? I left because I was trying to clear my head so that I could prepare myself to re-enter your life, but, it looks like you've forgotten about me. I could never forget you, I won't ever forget you. I love you too much. Just, take care of him, okay? Don't hurt him the way you hurt me. Oh, would you look at that. A tear. Stupid eyes, stop crying. You lost your chance Min Yoongi.

"What do you mean you're leaving!"

"I don't have to answer to you, Taehyung," I shuffled around the younger boy, trying hold my tears in, "now get out of the way so I can finish packing." It's true, I was leaving. I was leaving for good. I couldn't take the atmosphere I was in any longer. I was truly done with Kim Taehyung. "Get out of my way!" I tried shoving Taehyung but he would budge. Curse my weakness, I thought to myself.

"Baby, you don't have to leave," Taehyung croaked out, "please. Stay here with me. Stay here with all of us. I can't let you leave me." Taehyung planted himself right in front of the closet, hoping to delay the older boy's packing, and eventually, change his mind altogether. "This is stupid, you can't leave. Bangtan can't be Bangtan without you."

"Well, Taehyung," Yoongi sighed, "I guess you and the rest of the word need to learn how to live without me." Yoongi continued packing up all his stuff in his drawers and ignored the closet for now. He just wanted to hurry up and pack what he could and leave. He couldn't stand being there in that house any longer. Not with Taehyung. Not with the world. He was just tired of it.

Yoongi began to wonder what his new life without Bangtan would be like. He wondered what it would be like without waking up to Hoseok, beckoning him to breakfast. He wondered what it would be like not hearing Jungkook playing video games while everyone else was asleep. He wondered what it would be like not having Namjoon or Seokjin bicker over silly things, such as food or who was the cuter one in the house. He wondered what it would be like not to hear Jimin and Taehyung repeatedly kiss in his presence. Perfect. It would be perfect without Jimin and Taehyung, rubbing their relationship into his face. He would try to keep in contact with the others, even Jimin, because no matter what Jimin was still a brother to him. He was just keep Taehyung out for as long as he could. Eventually when he got over everything, he would come back. For now, he just needed some time to himself.

"You're being fucking ridiculous, Min Yoongi, and you know it!" Taehyung shouted, trying to grab ahold of Yoongi to keep him in place, "just stop. You can't leave me. I won't let you leave me. God damn it, Yoongi. What I said the other night was true. I still fucking love you! Isn't that enough?"

Yoongi stopped in his tracks, letting out a gasp, "You remember that?" He turned toward the other boy, seeing that he was in just as bad of shape as he was. "You remember that, yet, you still treated me like shit afterwards? Not to mention, I had to tell Hoseok you kissed me and tried to sleep with me." Yoongi glared at the other boy. Taehyung almost put Yoongi's relationship in danger all because he was drunk and fighting with Jimin. "You only come to me when you're drunk or fighting with Jimin, so it wasn't sincere to being with, not to mention, my boyfriend wasn't very happy with you!"

"Boyfriend," Taehyung sputtered out, "since when do you have a fucking boyfriend? You're not supposed to be with anyone else. You can't be with anyone else. I forbid it."

"Oh, oh," Yoongi spat out, "so you can go fucking somebody else behind my back, not to mention, I walked in on you fucking 'said person', but I can't have someone to help me move on from your selfish ass? I don't think so Kim Taehyung. You lost that right of declaring me yours, when you tainted someone else with your filth. And Hoseok became my boyfriend just before you barged in, for your fucking information!"

"Fine," Taehyung dead-panned, "leave. See if I fucking care. I have Jimin anyway, I don't need your sorry ass. Also, I guess Hoseok should enjoy my sloppy seconds because that's all you'll ever be to him and to me." With that being said, Taehyung left the room, not even glancing back at Yoongi.

"Fuck you, Kim Taehyung," Yoongi whimpered out, trying not to sob too loudly, but it seemed his body didn't want to listen to him. He fell down to his knees, bringing his face towards them and let out the ugliest sobs he had ever had. He was truly broken by the person he loved most and there was no way to fix what just happened. "And yet, I still love you. I'm so stupid. Fuck you, Kim Taehyung for doing this to me!"

Taehyung had heard everything that had come out of Yoongi's mouth, but he couldn't bring himself to apologize. It's better off this way. He felt his heart break when he heard Yoongi sobbing like he never sobbed before, but he couldn't undo what he had just done so he chose to ignore his heart and find Jimin. Jimin could help fix his fucked up feelings. Who am I kidding? The person who can fix me, is the one sobbing his heart out because I'm the dumbass who broke him. We can fix each other, yet, we just lash out to one another and never resolve our issues. It's too late though, he's leaving me and there's nothing I can do to stop him. If only I could turn back time to when we both loved each other fully. I wish it could be like that. Taehyung couldn't take the other boy's crying and he gave in to his heart. "Yoongi, I'm sorry," he kneeled next to the broken boy, "I shouldn't have said that. It was wrong of me and I'm so sorry, baby." Taehyung lifted the boy's chin so he could see the damage he had done to Yoongi. "I don't mean to hurt you, hell, I don't know why I keep hurting you. I love you so damn much, please, don't leave."

Yoongi felt a pair of lips press to his and this time, he didn't stop it. He kissed back with just as much enthusiasm as Taehyung and he could feel the unexpressed feelings pour out of both of them. They kissed until their lips became so chapped, they started to bleed. They didn't stop at kissing. Yoongi felt himself being lifted in the boy's arms and carried all the way to the door, where he was then pushed up against it, so Taehyung could lock it properly and then he was carried to Yoongi's bed, where they proceeded to make love for the first time in a long time. "I could never leave you, Taehyung," Yoongi whimpered out, "I love you too much, but I have to do this for me, please, don't try to stop me." He could feel Taehyung's tears, even though they were so tangled up in each other, he could feel the droplets of water fall on him.

"Okay," Taehyung sobbed, "okay, baby, you take all the time you need. I'll wait for you."

But, I guess you didn't wait for me after all. And Jimin and Hoseok never found out about that night because you were the one who walked me to my departure and kissed me like you would never see me again, despite being in public. At that moment we were just Yoongi and Taehyung. I still wear your promise ring you gave me. I wear it everyday as our promise to each other, that we would be together again no matter how long it took us. You're getting married though and you were nice enough to send me an invitation. Maybe it's time I take off the ring and fully move on because you seem to have.

A/N: I need to be stopped..