Fully Empty

xxxv

[ bitter disillusionment awakened]

i hate those people who always blame me,
plowing deeper till the days I was a naive little girl
you say i got nannies
that i don't have to know the nitty dandies.

i execrate people who judge me because of how i live when i was younger
how i was before i became what today and older.

i abhor when you ask me who is more
when you know i won't pick anyone because all of you are dear to me.

but every time you vociferate curses to me
every time you pinch me
you hurl things at me
i get a clout from you

you just don't hurt me but you've damaged me internally.
you created a mental trauma.
you created an emotional breakdown that i always cried myself at night.
you don't see i am breaking inside
because you're too busy with that business in mind.

i wanna slap the truth to you but
i will stay reticent, let you believe
of the lies your mind created for you
and let you be eaten by pride and illusion
than be called a disrespectful child of yours.

you're my mother,
i'm your child
i tried to understand you
but please try to understand me too.

[dedicated to my lovely TT, chieonnie who read, commented, voted and added my books in her reading lists...this is a sad one but it's personal...ily TT qq]