Ticket Outta Loserville (Trames au)

Chapter 18- Tristan's POV

After what was probably the craziest weekend of my life, I'm almost looking forward to the monotonous routine of school. I found James wandering in the streets, then invited him in and let him sleep in my bed because he was scared, then cuddled him after a nightmare, then I finally managed to tell him that I was gay. He was totally cool about it, but given that he's gay himself, it would be weird if he wasn't. 

Now I've got through a few lessons and everything is starting to feel a bit more normal, though as it's my life something weird has to happen. Can't I have just one normal day? When I got to RE, I had to laugh at the irony of the fact that our lesson is about homosexuality. James had to stop himself from laughing when he saw it, as people would think we were weird. However, as the lesson goes on, I'm not finding it quite as funny. "I don't get why people choose to be gay." one kid says. "They literally get killed for it in some places, why would you choose to be like that?" 

James has been giving me sympathetic looks all lesson, as I'm much more sensitive than him. I'm still slightly surprised when he takes my hand under the table though. Luckily, we're sitting at the back so no one will see. "You think it's a choice then?" the teacher prompts.

The student shrugs. "Yeah, I guess so." James squeezes my hand comfortingly, and I try to smile. It gets worse and worse though, and all I can think about is how much I want to get out of here.

The comment that makes me lose it is when a girl says "I think it's unnatural. I mean, the whole point of relationships is to reproduce, and a man and a man or a woman and a woman can't do that." That breaks me completely. I let go of James' hand, pick up my bag and leave quietly. Thankfully, no one seems to notice. I run off down the corridor, needing to find somewhere where no one will find me.

Eventually, I run up a couple of flights of stairs to where there's an empty bathroom. I curl up on the floor, at first feeling too numb to even cry. How can people still think like that? I know I'm a loser, but James is like the most popular guy in school- would they still feel like that if they knew he was gay? I'm willing the tears to stop, but they won't. 

I don't know how long I cry for, but at some point I become aware that someone else is here. I look up to find James standing there. "Hey." he says quietly. "What'd you run off for?"

I sniffle. "How can people still think like that? It's horrible!"

"I know." James says sympathetically, putting an arm around me. A few days ago, I would have thought this is weird, but now I've just embraced how strange my life is. As we sit together, James explains how he told the teacher that we had a music lesson together, and he somehow got away with it. "I don't think anyone noticed anyway." he says. "And I don't blame you for wanting to get out of there. I did too."

I smile weakly, a single tear rolling down my cheek. James reaches to wipe it off, and as we're sitting opposite each other on the floor, he looks me right in the eye. I don't really know how to feel, but I recognise some kind of spark fly between us, as weird as it sounds. Before I know what's going on, we're both leaning in and suddenly our lips meet. This is like some cliche film- but I'm kissing James McVey, the guy I've secretly crushed on forever, and who I thought hated me up until a few days ago. 

I love the feel of our lips moving against each other, even though I've never kissed anyone before so I have no idea what I'm doing. Suddenly, James pulls away, looking slightly shocked. "I'm sorry," he stammers, standing up, "I shouldn't have done that."

"It's ok." I say, reaching to grab his hand, but he runs off before I can catch his answer. Great. I'm used to being abandoned and feeling lonely, but now it feels like my heart's been ripped out. I know that's weird, as we aren't even together, but still. I just curl into a tiny ball on the floor, failing to fight the tears that are threatening to fall. How could James just leave me like that? I wanted everything to be OK between us, and now it isn't. So much for everything being ok for once.

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There's been so much crying in this story 😭 There'll probably be more in the next couple of chapters, but I'll sort things out soon! Please let me know if you enjoyed this!

I haven't found out if I got the job i interviewed for on Thursday, but the woman was really nice and she said I did well, so fingers crossed. Wish me luck please!