Passing the Torch

BEHIND THE STORY

"Good girls do anything for their fathers, including rob, cheat, and kill, and I always considered myself a good girl."

Imagine trying to cope with the abandonment of an absent parent. For me, I didn't have to use my imagination to understand the experience.

My father, the highly abusive man he was, walked out of my life when I was 5 years old. And while my mother and older siblings rejoiced in his departure, I was left heartbroken and confused.

For years after that day, I had turned a blind eye to the abuse my family had suffered at his hands. Because 1) I was young, 2) I was naive, and 3) I loved my dad. And until a few years ago, I had always forgiven him for leaving each time he decided to make an appearance (once every blue moon). After all, he's the man that helped give me life.

I wanted to make him proud. I wanted him to love me like every father should love and care for their children.

However, it wasn't until my little girls experienced the same fate from their father (who decided to disappear from their life) that made me question why I would never forgive my children's father for his actions, but was willing to forgive my own dad for doing the same (and worse) to me, my siblings, and my mother.

In the midst of a sad period of my life, I battled a sense of betrayal--seeing my girls in that familiar situation, dealing with the emotions that an absent father can bring about--I had an urge to use writing as a form of self-therapy. There was no better way to get out the emotions I harbored for so long.

Abuse is silent. Many who go through it refuse to openly talk about it or the lifelong trauma they constantly battle. This is why so many offenders get away with abuse, especially family members and loved ones. No matter the pain they cause, you still love them and because of that you want to protect them. So talking about it is difficult, just as much as writing about it is. I debated long and hard on whether I should post this very chapter or not.

That's how powerful abuse is.

What's the worst a father could do but a daughter will forgive or overlook to maintain the father-daughter bond we all cherish so much?

That question prompted me to write the very first sentence of Passing the Torch and the subsequent sentences thereafter. And although my life is better without my father in it, I can definitely see why it took me so long to realize that.

Thanks to the plotting, crafting, and telling of Mesa's story, I was able to close that devastating chapter to mine.

~ Leslie Lee

And thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed Passing the Torch and consider delving into other stories by L.L. Sanders.