a letter to my eating disorder (Poem)

a letter to my Eating Disorder

a letter to my Eating Disorder

by

Jennifer Juarez

You.

arrived when i was 10 years old, in a

white dressing room with a maze of mirrors that all stared

back at the

reflection of a little girl who was

easy to manipulate.

i remember the sizes of that pink vest wouldn't stop getting

bigger and bigger.

from

small to medium,

medium to large, and

large to extra-large.

You.

arrived on accident,

You.

arrived as my mother.

a parent

worried her child was

growing larger.

so,

without thinking:

"You don't fit into these because you're getting bigger"

slipped from her lips-

i just wanted to look beautiful for picture day.

You.

made yourself at home when i was 14 years old and my mind was extra vulnerable for

You.

to slither in like

a snake, inserting your venom

and carrying on without a worry

You.

created venom that caused me to kneel in front of

porcelain toilets,

slithering my two fingers

like a snake,

my fingers forming the shape of a poisonous forked tongue.

i coughed and gagged until the

mixed contents of food in my stomach were all

floating in the toilet bowl.

my stomach was empty yet i wasn't made any thinner.

You.

lied to me,

just like a snake.

but it was too late.

You.

had taken up space in my body and made yourself

comfortable with the depths of my insecurities and stretched yourself from

the top of my head to

the tips of my toes.

You.