The inevitable end

El's Point of view

I wake up in my bed to the sound of my alarm clock. I occupy the same room as I did yesterday, the same familiar walls surrounding me, But something feels different. "Bec, can you please make me a coffee," I grumble, but there's no response. I open my eyes and turn to the empty bed beside me "Bec?" A familiar ache floods through my chest and realisation washes over me. Becca's gone.... It wasn't just my worst nightmare imaginable. It really happened.

It's been weeks since her death and yet it still hasn't sunk in. I keep putting myself through the trauma, reliving the events of what happened. Everything could have been avoided if I just did as she asked of me. But it's too late now, I have to live with the hatred I hold for myself. What makes it worse is todays the day of the funeral. I don't want to go, I can't bring myself to say goodbye. It's not right, she was only seventeen. Yet I have to stand there and pretend like everything's fine when it's unquestionably not. I'm expected to make a speech in front of all of our friends, our old foster parents and even our biological parents. How rich of them, they couldn't be there for their daughter when she was alive but they're more than happy to come when she died.

**********

I'm at my sisters funeral in a formal black dress. Saying thank you to the people who give their condolences. I'll repeat that. I'm saying thank you to the people who are saying their sorry for my sister's death.

I stand in the front row of a small crowd, I get that privilege because I'm family. My parents are standing well away from me, at least there that smart. But not smart enough to want to be a part of Becca's live. The mortician is trying to organise everyone before the speeches undertake.

"Is this Rebecca's funeral?" I hear a voice call from behind me. I recognise him, but I can't pinpoint when exactly ... I slowly turn around.

"No..." I stammer. What's he doing here. Rage fills my insides I've never felt anything this strong before. His eyes travel to mine as I stand up from amongst the crowd. He walks over to me a sorrowful look set on his mouth. Bastard.

"My names Derek," he announces to me quietly "I was," he clears his throat "I was involved in the accident," he says softly as though it's a secret and no one has the right to know. "You must be Becca's sister?" I felt disgusted in him. He has the audacity to come here.

"Get out of here" I plead.

But he ignores me, like I'm not even there. "I just want to say that Becca was such a nice person and I never ever meant to..." he trys to explain himself but I cut him off.

"You were with Bec?" He knows her? How did I not know this, that means he purposely killed her, he probably planed it out.

"Well yeah" he says nervously.

"Then you decided to kill her?" I seethed, not waiting for an answer "just get out of here. I don't want you here, we don't want you here" I refer to my sister and I. Tears stain my eyes but I can't afford to let them escape.

"No please just let me explain..."

"Get out" I start to raise my voice. People stop their petty conversations and turn their heads. "Actually everyone leave, you people don't care about her. You all left us." I feel the heat radiating off my body. All the guests eyes bore into mine, probably stunned that a good academic student would ever speak their mind. I'm sick of it, I'm sick of everyone telling me everything will be alright, they're all liars. "Just get out of here!"

Derek moved his hand to put it on my shoulder in a sign of comfort but I slap it away. "I'm sorry" he wheezed.

"I don't want your pity" I took a shuddering breath "If anyone's still here in a few minutes I'll call the cops" I half-heartedly threaten. A slow mummer rises across the crowd and people begin to get out of their seats. I guess they didn't want to take the chance to deal with the cops. I wait until everyone disappears. Then turn to face my sister. Her lifeless body risen barely above the ground. She was my only family and I clung to her like she was my only life source. It kills me to know that from now on if I want to visit Becca this is where I will have to go. I sink to the ground, next to my sisters coffin. And for the first time since the event tears stream down my cheeks. "I'm sorry," I sob "I'm so sorry. I should have been there for you. It's all my fault."

When we were about to get into the ambulance that night I promised her everything would be alright, but obviously I couldn't keep that promise. I gave myself and Bec false hope. How could I have been so stupid? She couldn't even talk to me. The worst thing of all is I don't even believe it's Derek's fault, I'm certain that I was the cause of her death. I wasn't there to help her when I should've been. I couldn't be bothered picking her up and because of that I killed my sister.