My Diary Chapter 4 When You Lost

The Day I Resigned

14/07/2016

Time was 9:00 PM.

I was in the office and before an hour I had mailed my resignation.

I had been working for almost two years. Two year seems to be very short because you are expected to work in office for decades but for me those two years was a life time.
I can remember the first day of my office, the day when I was excited for everything. It was my first job I had worked before but my experience was negligible.

A job can make a sizable change in the life of a middle class boy as it did for me. I bought my first bike which I wanted from years but I was only able to manage it after I started to work. When you are able to fulfill any of your dreams, you see life as a fascinating adventure and because of my job I was able to fulfill my dream I had filled with euphoria.
I believe we strive for respect as much as we strive for love and as I was changed into a working man from a loafing boy I had seen respect in people eyes which was an experience from which I never encountered before.

My work was not a rocket science, I had to sit in front of computer and i needed to do some normal things. I was enjoying my days, I always knew when I am going to take a day off, my planned holidays; weekend parties and I even got the chance to travel sometimes. My scattered life now changed into an organized life. I was over the moon into the paradise but when job became my routine and when my excitement started to vaporize. I felt that whole my life I am going to live here on my chair looking at the computer. I was not even satisfied from my work because it was not going to make anyone's life better. I was giving up almost 40 years of my life to buy food and clothes. I realized that I was working for money. Money was my dream and buying stuffs was my happiness. My own consciousness was standing against me.

One thought was killing me that I can do something that I love and I can pursue my dream in the process perhaps I will not able to make money but I would be at peace and my conscience would stop cursing me and at least I can choose a work which makes someone's life better. There would be less money but more satisfaction. My journey was moving from bright sunny day to a night without moon.

Back in 2006 when I was in 12th class I wrote a quote in Hindi Language on the back cover of my physics book. It says "Bush, Buffett, Bill gates everyone has 24 hours in their day what you do with that makes the difference." And I know my work was not going to make any difference so I decided to leave.

Pursuing your dream and doing things which you love is definitely hard. As I left my job, I lost the respect, I don't have money in my pocket, and my bike is standing in garage because of empty tank. I didn't buy anything in last 4 months. I even got some money from my friend which I am not able to pay back. But finally I am at peace because I decided what I love I decided to write and to pay my bills I can teach because through writing and teaching I would be able to share my life with people instead of a computer. It is a less paid job but the satisfaction for me would be infinite.

I know there is also the possibility that it will not take me to the success but it will lead me towards the fulfillment. Today I can proudly say I did not let my dream die and I never will.

I was filled with all these emotions and i wrote

I know, I don't have my MBA Degree yet

And my account is nil.

I don't have any another job or career from which I can say my decision is right.

All I have is the trust and confidence that I am going to make it.

I don't know what future holds but as I look up at the sky

I feel there is no reason to worry.

What wrong can be done if I will not have a job But my heart knows, it can feel, everything is going to be alright and even things gone worst I would ready to fight.

It feels good. It gives me goose bumps in my stomach

I am happy and ready for the next challenges

God will give me strength in my decision I must have faith.

I will take my step forward, no matter what would be the outcomes.

Today my life will not be lead by fear

Today I am going to follow my heart