My Diary Chapter 4 When You Lost

When I Lost

I have made all the mistake that I can possibly make. I don't understand myself anymore. I don't know what I want and I don't know what I want to do. I don't know anything right now. I am in the most confusing state of myself.

There was a time when I got hurt and I had problems in my life but that was the time when I have something called hope. But today at 30 years of my age and being alone having nothing I have lost my hope too.

In the last some years I have lost a lot many times. Whatever I tried I was nothing but a failure. And It made me more and more miserable.

When she left me I felt I can start living again and I will try to pursue my dream. But I am trying this from the last 8 years and still not able to achieve anything. I have a bad habit of smoking and drinking I tried to quit it but failed. But the good thing is I am better at controlling smoking and drinking habit.

But then too I feel like I am still not able to quit. My body is getting weaker and I suffer from headaches and body pains. and Now I feel like I don't have the courage to continue I feel like everything around me is breaking into pieces I don't even want to collect my broken pieces.

We are living in a world where you can't be weak you can't be emotional you can't speak your heart out. If you fail people will come to you and prove you that you are not a failure. look at the positive side.

I don't know why people lie to each other every day.

We don't need lies and false consolations what we need is someone who can stand with us in everything. That's All. But people talk. They don't understand the basics. 

In the end, I am going to try again tomorrow.

I think this is the greatest gift has been given to us. 

I don't know why human doesn't give up why they keep continuing. 

I would try to understand this some other time.

Now I believe I need a Cigarette. 

Bye