poems + blurbs

before i go

when it ended,
you broke my heart.
but that was only the beginning.
now, after it's been 349 days,
you managed to break my heart over and over and over again.
but despite everything, you told me you loved me.
that i was beautiful.
and sometimes i knew you were lying,
other times i believed it.
but before i go, i just want to tell you that i still love you.
and it's the worst.

october 28th:
i was at your house. i held you for hours. i don't think i had been that happy since january 12th, when i was oblivious and believed that you were mine. your oldest sister told me about how you always talked about me. you fell asleep in my arms. our legs were sticking together. when you woke up at 3 in the morning, you brought me a doctor pepper and we stayed up til i had to leave. you didn't leave my arms. i held you. i really did.

october 29th:
i had left my backpack at your house, so i came back. rayven opened the door for me. you were sleeping on the couch. your sister tried to wake you up and tell you that it was me. you snored. i grabbed my bag and kissed you goodbye.

october 30th:
you got a boyfriend. actually, in your words, you finally got him. i doubt i even cross your mind.

why did you let me fall in love with you? why did you sit by me on the bus when i asked you too? why didn't you just scoff and walk to the back like you should've? you even hugged me. you let me kiss you on the cheek. you let me rest my head on your shoulder. you told me you loved me when i walked away. is this a game or something? why did you ever say yes? why? i'm nothing to you, so why did you let me make you my world? you hurt me without a second thought. you lied to me. you broke my heart over and over again. i cried so many times over you. i've written so many words about you. i'm still in love with you 349 days later.
and it's the worst.

(sorry.)