Keep Quiet // Josh Dun (completed)

chapter thirty six :: if i'm tø die beføre yøu

Tyler didn't know about Josh until the following day.

Prom went well for him.

He danced with Jenna, did some stuff for the first time after that.

Josh was planning to tell Nicole that he loved her on prom night. He had imagined the whole thing. He wanted to be slow dancing with her while the lights were low and he couldn't keep his eyes off of her lips.

He wanted to be talking softly to her and listen to her giggle whenever he said something silly.

He wanted it to be when it was silent between them, only loving smiles on each other's faces. Those same smiles that resulted from each other on Nicole's very first day.

"I love you." He wanted to break the silence. He hoped that she would smile and say it back. He knew he loved her long before he planned on saying it.

But he never got the chance to tell her.

Just like Tyler never got to say goodbye to his best friend.

Laura, Josh's mother, couldn't handle it. She couldn't possibly tell Tyler by herself. She couldn't even look into her backyard without breaking down. She didn't get any sleep whatsoever because all she could think about was that her son was unhappy and she wasn't even aware of it.

So, instead of having to tell Tyler by herself, she invited Nicole back over.

"I hate to bother you but," Laura started on the phone. "Would you mind coming over a-and helping me tell Tyler?"

Of course, Nicole accepted.

It was only the day after Josh had been taken away to the coroners office. Nothing was left behind in the yard except his blood and a worn rope.

Both Nicole and Laura were in pretty bad shape. So, when Nicole arrived, the first thing Laura did was pull her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry," Nicole said. "How are you feeling?"

"Really bad," Laura pulled away. "But that's why you're here. If you ever need anything, I'll be right here too." Her eyes were red and puffy from crying all night.

"So um," Nicole tucked her hair behind her ears and pulled her, well, Josh's sweatshirt over her hands. "When's Tyler gonna be here?"

"Any minute now," Laura led her to the couch. "You don't even know how much I appreciate you being here. I'm still having a hard time believing that he isn't gonna come walking down the steps looking for some cereal."

Nicole looked down in her lap and played with her hands. The ones Josh was supposed to be holding. The ones he was supposed to kiss before mumble an 'I love you' while they stayed up until two am. "I don't know if he told you but," she sniffled. "I was diagnosed with um- schizophrenia in April. Part of that is hallucinations... I'm still hoping that what happened last night was a hallucination. I don't want it to be real."

"Me neither," Laura shook her head as she grabbed Nicole's hand. "I'm so sorry that you had to see that." 

"Don't worry about it." Nicole wiped her eyes. "I'll be okay."

"That's what Josh always said," Mrs. Dun responded. "And now his father is out making funeral plans."

Nicole looked down and viciously bit the inside of her cheek.

Then the doorbell rang.

Mrs. Dun composed herself, wiping under her eyes as if she could just wipe the pain away. She went to the door and answered it, seeing Tyler standing on the door step.