The Winter Soldier is Still Here (Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier x reader)

Protective anger

Author's note: Sorry guys, but this is going to be a short filler/background chapter. Good news is, the next chapter is already complete and will be posted very soon!

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READER POV

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"So your kids can't make it for Christmas this year? I hate that," I said as Roger and I walked to my vehicle.

"(Y/n), how much do you know about this Bucky Barnes?" Roger's tone and pointed question caught me off guard. It was the quietest and simultaneously serious I had ever heard him. His voice had an edge I had never experienced.

"Mr. Roger, what do you mean?"

"(Y/n), I knew Bucky Barnes. I knew my brother, well. I want to tell you about him and how I knew Bucky as well. Jimmy met Barnes in training and they became friends quickly. Barnes didn't have any family, only a civilian friend, Steve, so he came home with Jimmy most of the times they were allowed to visit family. Bucky became a part of our family quickly. He was charming and made others laugh. He and Jimmy were a lot alike in that way. Before Jimmy left for war, he was all about charming the ladies, being the center of attention, and just living a happy life. Even during his training, he was the same big brother I knew and loved. He always made time for us, his siblings, it was just he, our younger sister, and me. He took interest in us and always showed us how much he cared about us. He always did his best to protect us in every way possible, which is why I saw him as the perfect person to become a soldier. I knew he would be a great protector of our great nation, much like he was a great protector of his family. He was always happy, he never let things get him down, even when things weren't so great for our family, but he always kept spirits lifted with his jovial mood."

Listening to Roger, it was evident how much he looked up to and idolized his brother, his serious tone had changed to more of a reminiscent one. "I don't think I've ever heard you talk about your brother this much, Mr. Roger. That's lovely. I'd love to hear about him more sometime."

"Good, because you're about to." The slick and sharp tone was back. "After my brother came back from war, he was not the same person I just described. He lost every friend he had made, including Bucky Barnes. They had all died or been captured and no one knew their whereabouts. He, Jimmy, was frail, paranoid, and hermit-like after he returned. When he was awake, and we were actually able to get him to leave his room, he would sit and stare, mind far from where he was. There were many nights that I ran to his room as I heard thrashing, crashing, and yelling. As you can imagine, he returned from war with PTSD. The entire first week back, he wrecked the house every night as sleepwalking was mixed with the nightmares he fought. In his nightmares, he was still at war, and our house displayed this." He paused and took a deep breath, and I could tell things were getting difficult for him so I jutted in.

"Mr. Roger, you don't have to do this. I'm not sure why you're telling me this. You don't have to, though. I don't want you to be upset."

"(Y/n), is, or is not, this Bucky you're going to see, the same James 'Bucky' Buchanan Barnes who fought alongside my brother, many others, and his best friend Steve Rogers, well known as Captain America, who was kidnapped by HYDRA and made the Winter Soldier? You're not going to lie to me, are you?"

His point blank question made my skin crawl. I could feel my hands and feet go cold, but my face turned warm. He knew I wouldn't be able to lie to him. He knew my heart could not bear it, not after everything he and Mrs. Betty had done for me, after growing so fond of them.

"Mr. Roger...I, uhh...Bucky...he isn't the same person as the Winter Soldier..."

"So he is one in the same. You know this for a fact?" His voice was stressed.

".....yes, sir." The concern in his eyes grew, so I added, "I trust Bucky, he wouldn't hurt me."

"You trust him-Bucky-not to hurt you?"

"Yes, sir." I had gotten used to having to repeat myself sometimes in Mr. Roger's presence.

"You trust Bucky. What about the Winter Soldier?"

Apparently, repetition wasn't what was needed. He was making a different point. "...Mr. Roger....it's like I said, Bucky and the Winter Soldier are two separate people."

"You have good reason not to trust the Winter Soldier. The Bucky I used to know is trustworthy...but that was before he went to war and Hydra got a hold of him."

"But Mr. Roger, he doesn't do that anymore, he's just Buc-"

"Let me finish telling you about Jimmy." He paused before continuing. "About eight months after his return and our constant battling and dealing with his symptoms, one night he beat our mother. He was inside of his dream and didn't realize who he was beating in reality. He beat her badly, (y/n), badly enough that she remained hospitalized for a month afterward. Now, if we hadn't already felt like things were bad for Jimmy before that incident, afterward it was 10 times worse. He closed in on himself completely, there was no shimmer of Jimmy's former self. He was a danger to everyone around him, and to himself, and he knew it. One day when we came back from church, we found him. I don't want to be too graphic, but he had killed himself. He left a letter explaining why he had done it. He felt he couldn't control his mind or his actions anymore. He couldn't live with what he had done to our mother. He didn't feel like he could chance something like that happening again. Now, I don't want an actual answer, because to be completely transparent, I'm afraid I already know the answer and I don't like it. Why did Barnes have to leave so quickly to go back to New York? Was it because he was Bucky, or was it because the Winter Soldier made an appearance? Even if you trust Bucky, and for good reason, he has been through a lot, an astronomical amount that neither of us will truly and completely understand. The Winter Soldier is still here," he said pointing at his head, referencing Bucky's mind. "No matter how much he fights against it, it's likely there's always a risk that Bucky will lose control and someone will get hurt, either those around him, or even himself...like Jimmy. It's obvious how much you care about him, and if you stick around him, there's a good chance you'll get hurt at some point, in some way....I don't want to see that happen, (y/n)."

"I understand where you're coming from and what you're saying, Mr. Roger, I really do...I just...he's my friend now...besides Steve, I think I'm just about the only friend he has. Doesn't he deserve that, need that, after all of this time, after all of his suffering? Doesn't he Mr. Roger?" My eyes had widened and tears had begun to form, thinking of the idea of leaving Bucky alone.

Mr. Roger pulled me in for a hug before he responded: "I know I'm not any relation, dear, but I care for you like my own daughter, both Betty and I do, and I don't want to see you get hurt. That's all. I watched my brother change into a stranger and it took a long time for all of my family to get past it. It hurt, badly, and I wouldn't have gotten through it without Betty's support and love. I don't want to see you experience that or similar pain."

I pulled out of the hug and looked at him in the eyes, all seriousness in my body transitioning into my own eyes. "Mr. Roger...I may be completely wrong...it's all still too new to know...but what if what Bucky needs is a Betty?  If it is, why shouldn't I be his Betty?"