Just why?

8

Have you ever got those voices inside your head telling you these things that you can't comprehend or let it out? Why do we have voices inside our heads? Why do we argue within our own self? Why can't we manage to make the right choices and not mess up for once? What is life? Are we even living it right? Sometimes I have all these thoughts crowded into my brain, asking to escape to gather some answers. Of course, the answers aren't going to magically come to me even if I snap my fingers. I bet your wondering how I got to college if I was just a billionaire, being my own boss and having this attitude that people couldn't stand. I had re wined my age. I had to re live these moments and see what I messed up on. Should I even fix it? College isn't for me but, I still had to do it to make my parents proud. But they didn't care about me. They haven't even called to see if I needed anything. I don't think of them as my parents anymore. They have disowned me. I keep re thinking and asking myself how did I end up in this situation? Why was I hated so much? Why did people look at me like the bad guy? People don't know me or who I truly am. Not even my parents. My parents had vanished after that day, when they kicked me out. No explanation has been told. They didn't even have a reason to but, they just did. I didn't think they hated me or anything. Inside my mind, I felt like something was up and I needed to find out. My life has been a rollercoaster. I was once married, a billionaire, in love with a girl but I was blinded by another love, I was my own boss, had the power to control people, and many more. But I blew it in matter of seconds. My wife has left me because, she couldn't stand me anymore or so I thought. She was having an affair with two other men who used to work for me. Oh god, once I caught my hands on them they will never see the light ever again. Trust me there okay or maybe they aren't. Who knows. The love of my life Belinda just disappeared without any notice. I was so blinded that I couldn't even see that she was the one I needed. I have been so cruel towards her yet, she still loved me. Why would she love a monster like me? How come she stayed after all that time when all I did was torture her? I broke her. She wasn't even herself anymore. She couldn't even look at me in the eyes like, she used to. She will never know how I feel about her. I've been looking for her for years but, nothing was found of her not even a single clue. I needed her more than anything. But I had to move on. I told myself that she doesn't love me anymore. Maybe she's happy now. Maybe she found another lover. I'm a just a useless men now. Everything had suddenly come back to me when I realized I could re winded my age backwards. I couldn't bare being this age anymore when I had nothing else left inside of me. Now I'm 25, back in college, living in my own car, found a girl who I can't get her off my mind, and now I'm on this stupid field trip. Why did I even attend to this? Why couldn't I just stayed in my car sleeping? I could of just wasted my hours in there, hating myself. I don't even love myself. I hate myself more than you can ever know. I know men don't show these kind of emotions but, it's good to let it out for once. It feels like a therapy session. Now, you may understand somewhat why I'm like this. Hey, don't feel bad for me. Karma is a bitch, isn't it? I deserve this. But now I have a second change of fixing everything.

Hours has passed by, everyone was groaning, no one wanted to move a muscle anymore, we all just wanted to sleep. Did she seriously had to get lost in this forest? Does she know what's in here? Of course, she doesn't. She's miss little innocent. She's the most smartest girl in this school. No one knows her. Mostly people just say rude things about her which pisses me off. I don't understand why people would judge others when they don't even know them or even had a decent conversation with them. Stop judging people by the cover. You may be surprised of what kind of people they truly are. Wait why do I care about her? She hasn't done anything for me expect ruin me and made my emotions all messed up. Why can't a girl just leave me alone and let me live? I can't bare to fall in love again or be blinded by another love. This isn't going to be a love story. She needs to get away or I'll make her go away. She doesn't know what danger she is bringing into this world. She doesn't know who these "students" truly are. People are figuring out ways to kill her. People know the whole truth of who she is but, I didn't. Nor did I wanted to know. She has already caused enough trouble for once and I don't need her around me or anyone. War is getting closer than you know. Faster than you know. I need to escape this right now before something terrible happens. I will NOT be superman tonight. You thought. I'm just going to have a drink by myself in the bar. Don't manage to find me or anything. Tell me in the morning what happened. I'll grab my popcorn and listen to you or mainly not.

Sorry not sorry.