His Wolf

Introduction

My eyes quickly move to the watch on my arm, and I pick up my pace. A sharp pain shoots up my leg, but I ignore it. I dislike painkillers but I know if I am hoping for some sleep tonight, I must take some. For a moment, I wish I had brought my car instead of taking the bus. The thought of being in a car causes me to sweat. After an accident, I now find it hard to be in a car.

I slow down as I see the hospital looming in front of me, the sharp throbbing in my leg reducing to a dull ache. I wave at the guard at the door, who smiles at me. All around me, the nurses and the doctors greet me by name as I do them. There is a feeling of coming home these days when I come to the hospital.

Finally arriving at my father's room, I stand outside for a moment taking a deep breath and pasting a smile onto my face. I freeze when I enter and there is no one in his room. My chest tightens as I think of all the possibilities, but I quickly dismiss them my father is getting better I tell myself; we spent hours the day before talking which he hadn't been able to do since the accident. He probably just went outside I tell myself; he had been complaining about being cooked up in his hospital room and the doctor had promised him if he got a bit better then he will allow him to go outside for an hour at least. Trying as hard as I can to not let myself panic, I leave my father's room looking for a nurse to at least tell me where my father is. Before I even take a few steps away from my father's room I see his doctor coming towards me and his face tells me everything that I don't want to know. He doesn't smile as usual and even though he is trying to hide behind a blank face I can see his pain.

He tells me that my father died, that they tried everything they could and I just stand there my heart breaking into little pieces and my heart screaming no, he is all I had left I want to say, I have no one else in this world I want to scream but I don't do any of that knowing if I let myself feel the pain and grief that is threatening to take control of me then I won't stop crying, I can barely stop myself from letting out a sob but I close my eyes a hand over my mouth. Hands pat me on my back in comfort and I shake them off turning around and walking."Lena...!" A voice calls behind me, but I ignore it making my way out of the hospital to everything including the pain in my leg. On autopilot, I get on the bus home, get off when I reach my bus stop, and make my way to my house. Only when the door is closed behind me, and I am surrounded by reminders of my parents and everything that I had lost, do I let myself feel the grief. I can barely breathe and I scream out in pain. Three months ago, all I was worried about graduating and getting a job and since then I had to bury both my parents. I curl into myself as my sobs get louder, curled on the floor I let myself cry until I fall asleep.