What The Heart Craves (Complete)

Chapter 11 - Part 1

Lacey

The next morning I lay in bed staring at the wall in front of me. It was strange how different I looked at things differently since I'd discovered I was sick. Small things that I'd taken for granted before weren't anymore.

I took a deep breath and released it, trying to keep a handle on the emotions swirling around inside.

The fear I wouldn't survive hit like a brick wall, and I struggled to breathe as the panic took over.

Overwhelmed as I sat up, I tried to gasp air in and out. I tried to push all thoughts of my sickness from my mind, but I couldn't stop thinking of what little time I might still have left if this brain tumor was cancerous or they couldn't remove it.

I was just starting out in life; I had so much more to do and I wasn't ready to die yet. There hadn't even been time for be to be with someone. My love for Adonis had made it impossible to even consider someone else.

I took a deep breath and released it as my panic eased. Marriage was something I'd always wanted and children. Another deep breath and I released it. It had never, ever crossed my mind that I would not live long enough to do all the things I wanted to.

With a shake of my head, I tried to stop thinking about all the things I could miss; I needed to hold to the hope that I would make it through. The only way to handle this was to think positive. If I just gave in, then I was as good as dead.

I got out of bed and had a shower. Trying not to think about the tumor and my appointment with the specialist was impossible.

The top specialist might do something that the other specialist hadn't had the experience to do. Maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't be as bad as the initial specialist had diagnosed. I felt more hopeful as I dried off and got changed. I had to keep optimistic.

The house was quiet. It was late morning and everyone would usually be up by now, but they'd been up late trying to deal with my diagnosis. Alone in the kitchen, I made some coffee and leaned against the counter as I took my first sip.

It was silence, but something made me look to the kitchen doorway where Adonis stood watching me pensively. I felt my heart tug at the sight of him. Maybe it was because I might not have a lot of time left I allowed myself to feel the love that I'd been trying to suppress for so long.

Now keeping him at bay or playing games seemed such a waste of time. I gave him a tentative smile, trying to mask the chaos going on inside of me. I still loved him. The way he'd been around me last night had helped me tell my parents.

"How are you feeling?" He stepped into the kitchen, walking to me. He looked like he hadn't slept all night and I felt guilty knowing I was the reason. His hand raked through his bed messed hair.

"Okay, I guess," I said. I couldn't be fine because I wasn't. "Do you want coffee?"

He nodded his head as he stopped beside me. I made him his drink while a heavy and somber silence enclosed us.

Once I'd made the hot drink, I gave it to him and leaned against the counter, intent on finishing my coffee.

"Thank you." I end the silence. I put my cup down on the counter.

"For what?" He studied me.

"For getting me the appointment with the specialist," I said, holding his gaze. I knew it hadn't been easy.

"You're welcome." He set his cup down. He took a step closer and took my hand in both of his. Being so close and having him touch me made me feel all giddy inside. He held my hands in his gently, like he might break me as his eyes fixed on our connected hands.

"Will you come with me somewhere?" he asked, "I want talk to you alone."

There was a flutter of awareness in my stomach at the thought of being alone with him. I swallowed, trying to hide my nervousness as I nodded my head.

There were no questions from me about what he wanted to talk to me about. He found a writing pad and a pen and wrote a brief message for my family, which he stuck to the fridge with a magnet.

Feeling curious and nervous, I followed him out of my house and to his car. We got in and he started it up. He was quiet and seemed lost in his thoughts as we drove. It wasn't long before he pulled up by the lake.

I smiled at all the childhood memories the lake held for me. We'd spent a lot of our childhood here swimming here. Pulling myself from some of our history, I turned to face him as he switched off the car.

There was a few moment's silence before he turned to face me. I know finding out I was sick and I might die had hit him and my family hard.

"Harp." His eyes held mine. The sound of his voice sent a shiver of nervousness run through me.

"What...do you want to talk about?" I asked, trying to keep my heart from racing.

Suddenly, in the confined space of his car with his deep gaze, I felt vulnerable. I tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear and tried to stop myself from fidgeting.

"Where is the necklace I gave you?" he asked, and my fingers went to my neck that was bare. How could I tell him the truth? I'd taken it off and hidden it away because it was a reminder of him and what I couldn't have. It tempted me to tell him I'd lost it, but something stopped me.

"It's in my jewelry box," I admitted.

"Don't you like it?" he asked, staring at me with his baby blue eyes that made me go weak inside.

"I do, I'm just scared I'll lose it." I let the little white lie roll off my tongue.

"Please wear it." His one hand reach for mine and I felt the warmth of his hand enclose around mine.

I nodded my head, unable to talk without stuttering like an idiot.

"Do you know why I brought you here?" he asked as his eyes left mine to look in the lake's direction. It was beautiful with a beautiful shimmer as the sun shone off the surface of the water. It was peaceful, and it felt like we were the only people there, although I could see a couple of other cars around.

"No."

I dropped my gaze to his hand that still held mine. It was such a slight gesture that meant so much more to me.

This had always been my problem with him. I'd taken all his slight gestures and put them together, which had made me believe he felt more for me. I shook my mind, trying to make myself stop daydreaming about things that would never happen.

I pulled my hand out of his as his gaze came back to me. He frowned.