Poetry Book 3

Holiday Blues

I stay awake at night. My mind plagued with memories of what could've been or still be. See, no one ever listens to me, but they talk me. But these days talk is cheap, they say actions speak louder then words, so show me what you really mean. Here we go again, its the holiday times. Put on this mask with the fake smile, so no one can see this pain hidden in my eyes. I'm supposed to be happy, spending time with family, but in reality on the inside I'm really crying. The time people listen, is when they read these words. If I didn't have this pen, I wouldn't be heard. I look to the sky looking for and answer. Pray to God he bring me comfort through the night. But its hard to believe he's there with all this darkness in my sight. Today my sister said to me was Merry Christmas. When all I did was look at her with no response, she got mad and called me the Grinch and Mr. Scrooge. I wasn't tryna be mean, I wasn't tryna be rude, but its hard to be happy when the only thing on my mind seems to be you. See this is hard me, but it's easy to you. Was our relationship an illusion? Was any of it true? These are the questions I often ask myself. While, you're probably already laid up with somebody else. You tell me things like "Let it go." and "Move on." If it was really that easy, I wouldn't be writing this depressing ass love song. Cause the reality of it is: I still love you. I struggle with this pain an don't know what to do. You always said I could talk to you. But lately you just shake ya head and tell me to "Shoo!" Sometimes I wonder..."Is this all really worth it?" Cause to be honest, I hate feeling like this.