hey everyone,
long time no see right? nor talk. nor update. nor.... well, nothing. i've been gone – for the longest time ever. i actually do not have a reason (or reasons) to justify my hiatus because i'm not a busy person. the only thing that's been blocking me from expressing everything into my writing is myself.
sure, there are tons of schoolworks and projects and personal matters that made me postpone a lot of writing sessions. then of course there were the inevitable writer's breakdown – all caused by a series of writer's block that i could never truly get over. so here it is then, a goodbye followed by an apology and a request.
goodbye. i've made a lot of friends here, friends that i know i will always remember and love with all of my heart. friends that i will continue to cherish for the rest of my life. friends that have given me everything i've wished and more – friends that have taught me distance means nothing when someone means everything. i'm not going to mention them one by one in ultimate fear that i'll forget someone and feel bad about myself until well, forever. so if you're reading this, i hope you all know who you are and that i love you. always & forever.
an apology. for never finishing my works, for never keeping my promise, for never staying as long as you guys want me to. ever since i was a little kid i had a problem with settling down and building a commitment based on something that's not constant. it was hard for me to stay because i was raised around people that never lingered. people who left, people who never came back – never looked back.
it was hard for me to even finish books because most of the time my heart wasn't in it anymore. my heart was always somewhere else. it's not right for me to try and continue my books because i feel pressured and not because i love it. i started writing because i love it – now it feels like a drag and a reminder that i'm never going to be able to commit to something.
therefore, i am truly sorry.
the request is simple, forgive me. forgive me for doing this to all of you, and everything else in between. forgive me, forgive me, forgive me.
i love all of you.
for the last time (in this account and i know we'll meet again in the not-so-distant future),
ayu x.
