Letter's To Him

First letter of the third year

Dear Michael,

It has been weeks since I last wrote to you. You along with everyone in the school knew who I was now. My sisters death made a huge impact on the school, the community and my household. I don't even know why Im writing all of this? I haven't talked to anyone about her. I haven't cried since I found out about her death. Sometimes I wonder if I even cared but then I go into her room and sit on her bed and my chest hurts so badly and I feel like I can't breath and physically feel sick because I could have never imagined a world without her in it and I know your sister is destroyed with guilt at being the one driving my sisters car. I know that the guilt is eating at her for being alive while my sister is dead. I know she blames herself, but it wasn't her fault. She didn't know that the other driver was drunk. I wish she wouldn't blame herself. I know she avoids me. I know she wont even look my way. My family doesn't blame her, only Rush does, because he feels like he failed as our brother to protect us, he is trying to hard to put blame on everyone else. The golden boy everyone knew is disappearing into thin air and Im the only who sees how wrong that is, my parents don't see anything wrong in it. He needs help. We all do. Sometimes I wonder what you would say back to me at times like this. Oh god Michael, I miss my beautiful sister. Its eating me alive, this feeling. I miss Kylie.

-JoAnna

I looked at Gabbie from where Im standing. Her blonde hair up in a ratty bun and her eyes swollen from lack of sleep or crying. Probably both. Her skin is paler than before and she keep her eyes casted to the floor. I slowly walk to her knowing and feeling everyone's eyes following me, wondering what was about to go down.

Once you saw me approach you halted to a stop. You looked up at me with pain etched onto your face, I grab your hand and hold it tightly while staring at you. I see your brother etching closer encase this ends badly, but I pay attention to you before whispering only for you to hear.

"It wasn't your fault Gabbie." I watched as your head dropped forward and your shoulders slumped forward and I heard your intake of breath. I pulled you close to me, hugging you tightly. "Let that guilt go. Kylie wouldn't want you blaming yourself. You couldn't have stopped that man if you wanted too."

"Im so sorry Anna, so so sorry!" she sobbed into my shoulder. Finally then did I feel my throat constrict and tears blurred my vision but I didn't let one drop until I was in my room alone and only then did I sob myself to sleep.