Remains

five years

The school grounds were littered with piles of grit that somehow missed whatever ice there was in the first place. The youngest kids ran around sliding and screeching with too much energy for a Monday morning, and the older ones walked in muttering about how annoying they were.

By the time the first bell rung Luc's mood had improved slightly. The morning lessons were English Literature and History; the lessons he almost enjoyed. He could write for pages and pages effortlessly, getting lost in his writing. But in maths and physics he just couldn't.

The arctic temperatures had not increased at lunch. A bank of pale grey cloud blocked out any heat from the sun and preserved the frost. Despite this a boy sat alone outside to avoid the mad lunch crowds, shivering slightly but more content to be made uncomfortable by the weather instead of unfriendly people.

"Hey, Luc, why are you outside?"
A stockier yet shorter boy approached him followed by a girl with short hair. He spoke with more curiosity than concern but still smiled.

"Er, people. It's quieter out here." Lucian replied shortly, taken by surprise that anyone else would be outside.

"Each to his own I guess. I don't know if you've ever spoken to a person before but they don't bite that bad. Well Kris can be dangerous." He glanced at the girl next to him.

Kris leant over the fence separating the pathway and the outdoor seating and narrowed her eyes, studyingly.
"Are you alright" She said a bit too softly.

"Yeah I'm fine. " Now he was getting a little frustrated with the patronising tone she took.

"I can tell there's something up...You always look depressed but you look about to cry. " A poorly concealed giggle escaped from the boys mouth.

"No. I'm fine. I'm fine" Luc was seeing this friendly conversation turn. He couldn't handle teasing an about his sensitivity, not today when his emotions were already heightened.

The reactions to this were not what he hoped for; raised eye brows and a mocking tone"Ok, ok. Calm down. No need to have a tantrum. Seeya around."
Both swaggered off as the bell for lessons reverberated throughout the school.

Lessons dragged on but no one tried to bother him again. As the final bell rang out and a rushed escape from the school wound its way to the exit doors and bus bay, Luc and a few other unlucky teenagers hung around room 10 for maths catchup. The door opened quickly, followed by a stern looking man with a grey beard like Santa. He spoke in a broad Scottish accent that was soft and sweet until he shouted and even the smallest threats of break time detentions seemed as scary as death sentences. Luckily this didn't happen often.
"Good to see you, you lot. Take a seat and get on with your work. Lucian wait outside with me."

What had he done? He thought. The teacher waited til all the kids had entered the classroom before turning to look at Luc kindly.
"I know you're new here and you're a bright boy but you don't have to be here. If you take more work home and start shaping up now, Monday nights could be spent relaxing at home. You're not far behind and once you slip you fall into a cycle so let's try, yeah?"

Lucian let out a long sigh. "I just don't get it. I don't get algebra and graphs and the weird triangle stuff. I try but..."
"But I'm sure you could do it with some more help. This is for the kids who skip class and never listen. You are a good kid. Maybe we can get you a tutor for a couple lunchtimes a week. That's if you're willing to give them up."

"Yeah that's a good idea, I don't do much at lunch."
This meant he could stay away from people like Kris and that other kid, and he wouldn't have to walk the 2 miles home afterwards.

"Go home early tonight. Ill see you tomorrow."

This still meant the walk tonight and he was angry Mr. Reeves couldn't have said this before the buses left but it was an improvement he supposed.

Cold weather for the evening crept in bringing the deathly ice with it. However carefully you tread a slip was almost guaranteed yet Lucian owned a remarkably good sense of balance and was yet to fall when he arrived at the drive. Perhaps he was overconfident or restless to get inside, because as he turned the ultimate corner his feet flew upwards and he landed with an agonising slam against the sheet of thick glass. Gravel dug deeply into the heels of his hands as a dull ache spread from his back to his shoulders.
"What is it with today?" He cursed under his breath
Slowly he rose and struggled inside, exhausted and in pain.

Several hours later Lila, his mother came home with a few shopping bags of mostly canned food and necessities. A prepared meal of sausage and pasta that Lucian made sat steaming on table, wafting the fragrant smell of Italian herbs through the tiny room.
"You're such a good cook. What would I do without you? And I'm sorry I haven't got too much food in my arm is stopping me working as well so the pays down but not to worry, I'll get the doctor to sort it eventually. I'm glad I still have the job to be honest."

"It's alright mum, one day I'll get a good job and we'll both be fine. We'll survive." They hugged and dug into the hot meal.

"So how was your day? Good?" Lila yawned to her son breaking the silence made by busy mouths.
"Alright. Got out of maths catchup but still had to walk home" he replied still chewing on pasta.
"Oh maths catchup. I'm sorry Luc I forgot, never checked... the calendar."

At this last word her voice wavered slightly. They both became awkward and anxious in the silences, knowing exactly the thoughts going through the other ones mind.

With a low sympathetic tone he whispered back. "It's alright mum."

It had been a long day and all Luc wanted was sleep away the creeping thoughts. The lack of heating and extra thin walls meant he had to wear a hoody to bed but it wasn't the cold bothering him. Through the wall by his head the ugly sounds of a rough crying could be heard. Choked and muffled in attempt to conceal it but the pain resonated. A mother broken by the loss of her child. Scarred by the memories of 13 years deserted on a cold February night like tonight 5 years ago. Oh and how she wanted to scream out the years piled up. To cry as loud as possible to shake the sharp stab in her heart but she had to guard her suffering from the most precious and important thing that remained. The one thing that hurt her worst of all yet kept her going. A constant reminder of the son she lost. The same blood, smile, voice, nose, frown... And he heard every last ugly sound.

Every whimper stung him more as if the salty tears were poured into the places the past wounded. After all this time it still kept burning. He wanted to be deaf. His ears rejected function. Buried beneath layer upon layer of old blankets as a pathetic shield. Torture. He could never stop seeing that picture, that stupid image in his head. Happiness. Happy with Sam. The funny one. The positive one. The joker of the family. Suddenly the barrier broke. All the faces of old friends from old schools stared at him from behind his eyes, flooding them with their own salt water. Begging to know why he shut it all out. What lead to this distance. It was all so very far away, yet not far enough.