The Babysitter

- 11 -

TRIGGER WARNING! THIS CHAPTER IS VERY GRAPHIC AND CONTAINS IMAGERY OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS. PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER IF THIS IS SOMETHING THAT IS TRIGGERING TO YOU AND I HOPE THAT YOU ARE DOING OKAY AND IM SORRY THIS APPEARS TO BE YELLING BUT I LOVE YOU AND WANNA MAKE SURE YA DON'T MISS THE WARNING. OKAY I WILL STOP NOW.

(Dallon's POV)

We heard a lot of screaming coming from upstairs.

"I give up!" I hear him yell. Those three words sent me into some dark memories I had suppressed so long ago. How come every time I enter this damn house, old memories that I tried so hard to bury, are dug up and pulled to the surface.

*Flashback*

"I give up, Kara. Can't you see?" I yelled. I couldn't let anyone get close to me ever again. I wasn't about to let someone in and care for someone the way I cared about Kyle, just to have them ripped away from me.

"Stop pushing me away Dallon. I only want to help." Kara said with sad eyes.

"You can't help me Kara! There's nothing you can do so just leave me alone!" I screamed. Although my words said that I wanted to be left alone, it was just another cry for help, masked by my need to be tough.

"I'm so done, Kara. Just stop talking to me!" I screamed. I turned to walk away from her, but she grabbed me by the hand and pulled me back to her.

"You can't just run from your problems! Let me help you!" She cried.

"Watch me."

I ran home. I was tired of everyone giving me looks of pity. My parents still didn't know about Kyle and I, or even that Kyle existed, and right now, I was glad they didn't. If I had to come home from school everyday, to even more of what I was already going through, I might just lose it.

"Dallon what are you doing home so early?" My mom asked as I walked through the door.

"Oh um, I didn't feel too good so I came home, I hope that's alright."

"It's perfectly fine dear, your father went in early to work today so you're stuck with me." She said with a laugh.

"I think I'm going to just head to my bedroom and rest." I said. But as I was making my way into my room, I was stopped by the sound of my mother yelling.

"Wait!"

What now? Did I do something?

"Dallon, I want to talk to you." She said sincerely.

"Okay? What about?" I said sitting down at the table next to her.

"Honey, how are you feeling?" She asked.

"Terrible, obviously. I mean I didn't just leave school for nothing." I snapped back.

"That's not what I meant. I meant how are you feeling emotionally, not physically. I heard about how that kid Kyle at your school killed himself, and I just want you to be able to talk to me. I don't know too much about your personal life, and I'd like it if we could be as close as you are with your father. I've been worried because he's been telling me you've been really distant with him lately. Is there something going on? Did you know Kyle?"

Once I heard his name I was forced into complete silence. No sassy remarks, nothing in me had the capability of putting up a fight with my feelings. How was I supposed to do this. Now my parents are suspicious.

I started to tear up, and then began to sob. I couldn't contain the waves of emotions spewing out of me. This clearly answered my Moms question as she hugged me tightly.

"It's okay baby, it's okay." She cooed in my ear.

"I know what it's like to lose a friend."

That had sent me over the edge. Two years of "he's just a friend" really takes a toll on you. Two years of not being able to hold hands, or even hug each other in public, in fear that somebody would find out. With just him and his single Dad, he felt the need to live the life his Dad wanted for him. A wife, and kids, and he didn't want to break the news to him, But in the end, all of the hiding had broken him, and his Dad never got to even meet his real son. He never got to meet the real Kyle.

"Can I please just be alone?" I choked out.

She patted me on the pack and signaled me to my room.

There I lied. Staring up above me. Trying to make sense of the texture on the ceiling, as if they were clouds.

Kyle and I used to do that. We'd lay out in the hot Las Vegas sun and watch as the clouds drifted by. Pointing out whenever we saw one that looked like anything but a cloud.

All these thoughts of Kyle were deafening. I don't know what to do. Maybe Kyle had the right idea. Maybe I should end it all before it ends me.

I walked to the bathroom, not caring about what I was actually going through with. I gave no thought into this. I just knew what I needed to do.

I locked the door and opened the medicine cabinet. I found a bottle of prozac that my mom had for her anxiety. I also found a brand new razor staring me down. I could almost hear it chanting 'Use me! Use me!' Who was I to resist?

I took the pills first. The whole bottle. More than enough to cause an overdose. I then began to tear into my skin. The pain was unpleasant, but it made me feel human. In some weird way I felt normal. We all bleed.

Shortly I began to feel the pills kick in. I was numbed head to toe. This just made me want to cut deeper. I thought that would make me feel it, but all it did was cause me to bleed out quicker, which I didn't mind. My surroundings began to blur out and I was entranced by my thoughts. I lost all control of my body and fell limp.

The last thing I remembered was the sounds of muffled screaming and loud prominent banging, before everything went black.

I couldn't leave well enough alone. I couldn't let Brendon go through what I did. I have to male sure he's okay. I need to talk to him.

A/N: SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG!! I've been hella busy with finals and such and finally got around to finishing it. This is kind of a filler chapter, but it was important that I include it. Sorry this is sort of a depressing chapter, I can promise you though, things will get better! Not just for the characters in this story, but also for all of you out there going through difficult times. ily so much and thanks for reading!