Rainbow Reflection

Chapter 28

Rosy

I sit watching the moon sink out of sight behind the trees on the other side of the pond. The rock I sit on still retains a trace of the days heat and I can feel it soaking up into my body through the soles of my feet. I have my arms wrapped around my upraised legs as I rest my cheek against the top of my knees. The wisp that is the night's breeze cools the tears on my cheek and I lick my lips tasting the saltiness left behind. There are no words to describe my pain, the pain I have endured each moment I have been here on my mountain for the last three and a half days.

I hear a faint brush of skin on rock and turn my head so I can bury my face against my knees to hide my tears. I feel rather than hear someone sit beside me without touching me. It's not Sam, he is sleeping on the bed in the shack, too thankful for the comfort of the bed for his now healing body. Somehow the mountain has worked its magic on both my brother and myself, feeding strength and life into us. But there's something more ...

"It's beautiful here," Malcolm says beside me interrupting my thoughts.

I make a faint sound of agreement but my throat is thick with tears and the sound barely escapes me. A warm hand touches my back and Malcolm begins to rub my back in soothing circles, his kindness is too much to bare and I lift my hands up to lace my fingers behind my head as I try to muffle my sobs against my knees.

"I'm here," Malcolm soothes softly. "You're not alone,"

I sob against my knees, my heart feeling as if it is breaking. Why oh why can't the numbness of my memories carry over into my life? I have been remembering more and more of my life this last week, bland black and white memories that lack emotions. The knowledge of how I had felt at the time accompanies them but it is only knowledge, no remnants of the emotions linger. I haven't spoken to anyone of the memories that have returned, instead I have examined them in private going over and over them in my mind.

I fist my hands in my hair pulling on the strands tightly, I start slightly as Malcolm grasps my hands as if he can stop me pulling my own hair out. He tilts me over to lean against his shoulder and I turn in his arms wrapping my arms around him as I bury my face against his chest. He holds me close rocking me gently and the memory of another time he had held me while my heart was breaking plays through my mind.

"It hurts, it hurts so damned much!" I sob as I clutch at him.

"Your head? Is your head hurting?" Malcolm asks in concern. I still for a moment in his arms as I try to find the words to explain but loose courage, I nod my lie against his chest. I cling to him until my tears stop and only the occasional hiccup breaks the silence. When I ease away from him I wipe both cheeks with the flats of my palms before getting to my feet and shucking my clothes. I glance up at the stars in the sky, it must be close to two in the morning, I pause a moment at the waters edge before walking in.

The water is soothing and calming as I glide forward and swim lazily towards the middle of the pond. The symphony of night creatures is soothing as I roll onto my back before scooping handfuls of water to wash the tears from my face. The cold water does nothing to wash the sound of a crying baby from my mind and it does not erase the ache from my empty arms. The chill of the water finally forces me to leave the pond and I stand at the waters edge squeezing water from hair for a few moments.

Ceskia and Annushka have returned from their nightly hunting and I look across to where Malcolm is talking with them. I watch as Annushka runs a hand down his arm before walking off into the shadows, Malcolm glances back at me without a

word before following her. I pull my clothes on and move to a spot where the morning sun first hits the flat rocky face at the edge of the sand that has been worn from the rock and washed into a miniature sand bank. I sit in the indentation I have made the last two nights and lean back on the boulder behind me. I can watch the reflections of the stars on the pond as I laze with my head tilted slightly to the left.