Lost at the Start

8.

An hour of brainstorming and a reluctant goodbye to Jackson later, and I was back in my room, digging around for a stationary kit I remembered picking up at an estate sale and keeping in a box in my closet.

I hadn't been big on using it when I was alive because I loved the envelopes with red-and-blue striped edges like you'd see on international mail and the writing pages with faint prints of international landmarks on them too much. It felt like a waste to use any of it. But now that I was dead, that didn't seem to matter as much. When else was I going to find an excuse to use the stuff?

Much to my gargin, I'd come back to find what looked like my family's dinner cooling on the stove top, and Riley nowhere to be found.

Hopefully, I could get my first letter written and planted before she showed up, and no one else would have a reason to come noes around my room and potential find it before she did.

I finally stumbled upon the box with the kit in it and took it out.

Once I had the stationary set, I grabbed a fancy-ish pen from the box and made my way out of the closet and back into my room.

Considering how loudly the toy guitar hanging on the closet door always banged against it, no matter how careful I was, it was a good thing I was alone, or somebody would've known something was up.

I sat down at my desk and got to work:

For Riley's Eyes Only:

I'm sorry. I know you're hurting. You're my sister, how could you not be? But this wasn't about you, or mom or dad, okay? I made my own choice, and I stand by it.

Let me spell it out: I do not regret my choice. Understand?

I'm not proud of it—Who would be?—but it was something I had to do. It may seem insane, but I had to, okay?

I'm writing to help you understand, because I know how difficult to grasp my decision must be for you. There'll be more, I promise. I'll write until I've said everything I can fathom to say. Maybe by then you'll see; you'll understand.

If I can't make the rest of the world get why I did what I did, at least I can try to help you get it.

Love Always,

Luna

I had to rewrite the letter three times before I was finally satisfied. It was still by no means perfect, but I had to settle on something eventually. Especially since I still had to figure out where to put it.

The wording was a little tricky, but in the end, I just went with what felt and sounded right, and hopefully what Riley would understand to mean, "Please look for more letters scattered around the room," but not take the heart enough to immediately start tearing the place apart and turning it upside down to find them.

I'd also take getting lucky and her just being too tired or too grief-stricken to look when she found the first letter, but I knew better than to count on that.

Letter in hand, enveloped and even sealed with a wax stamp from the kit, I stood up and looked around. Now to plant it.

The longer I looked though, the less confident I became that this would work out the way I wanted it to. Nowhere seemed like a good enough spot; All my options either seemed too obvious, too off-the-wall for such a thing, or like someplace she'd never find it.

Well, crap.

Now what was I supposed to do?

Especially since I didn't know how much longer it would be until someone came home and I was forced into silence...