Let Me Hear Your Love (Gerard Way x Reader)

Chapter Fifteen: Maroon 5, Seven Eleven and Japan

CAUTION: DISCUSSIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS AND ADDICTION, PANIC ATTACKS AND ANXIETY. Stay safe, Killjoys.

~**~

Waking up feels like the hardest thing you've ever had to do. Your heart is aching, your nose is stuffed up, your eyes feel puffy from crying yourself to sleep. You cant believe what happened last night. The kiss is seared into your brain. Playing like a drive-in movie every time you close your eyes. If you try hard enough you can still feel the pressure of his lips on yours. It's agony.

But, you know you still have to get up. Yesterday was your only off day. You have to get up, go to work, and deal with what happened. You are not losing this job.  One thing you know for sure is that sometime today you are going to have to talk to Gerard.

Pushing past the ache in your limbs, you stand, shuffling to get dressed. You squirm into your jeans and fiddle with your bra to stop the wire from puncturing your flesh. In hopes of making yourself feel better, you slip on your favourite baggy shirt.  Sniffing your underarms, you know you need to shower soon, but there is no time right now. You've wasted enough time as it is, so you slap on some deodorant, make your hair somewhat presentable and flee the bus.

People are bustling around already, setting up for the show. Techs walk around with arms full of wires and others lugging amps. In your hustle you narrowly avoid a collision with a frazzled looking boy holding several coffees.

"OH FUCK!" He exclaims, steadying himself.

"Sorry!" You call, continuing to walk in your own direction as the boy scurries off.

Finally making it to your station, you begin plugging in the chords you need and coordinating the lights for the nights show, switching your attention from the control panel in front of you to the stage monitor you have set up next to you. Inhaling a shaky breath, eyes stinging a little, so far the rush of the morning has distanced you from thoughts of Gerard.

Biting your lip, you try to will the feelings of anxiety away from where they were curling in your stomach. Can you even do this job anymore? Working so close to him? Will he fire you? Unable to see the remains of the mistake he made? No. You're stronger than this. You've survived worse than this. You need to get those thoughts out of your head...

You wish it was that easy.

Looking up and around, a sick feeling washes over you and suddenly you feel like your back at a high school party. Standing alone awkwardly in a sea of people while everyone else chatters and has a good time. You feel half tempted to go hide in a bathroom until its all over so you don't have to pretend to be okay. So you don't have to pretend that you're not haunted by a pair of phantom lips.

The feeling in your gut that had died down slightly, flares up with a vengeance. You want to scream and cry. You feel the pressure blowing up under your skin and you take a few gasping breaths, curling into yourself slightly so you don't draw any attention. You try to clear your mind, repeating the mantra you've used since you were fifteen; you're okay, you're safe, breath.

You continue to take deep, calculated breaths until your heartbeat steadies out.You cant believe you let that happen, in the middle of setting up for a show nonetheless. Getting back on track, you use the back of your hand to wipe your eyes and you focus on your work, you can battle your demons another time.

Pulling your headphones from your back pocket, you do a quick check of your surroundings. No one is looking, so you stuff the buds in your ears and plug them into your phone. This is against all protocol right now, but you need to listen to something, anything, to help clear your mind and distract you from any thoughts of Gerard.