Message from Nine to the Universe

Are You Experienced?

"We're aliens?!", my friends yelled. 

It was the next day and we were sitting at the Odd Squad table like we do every morning.

"SHHHHH! These people already think we're weirdos and hippies. But if we go around talking about who we really are, they might think we're on some sort of bad acid trip."

Cool Breeze said, "Are you sure you haven't blown your top? Cause if you have, I know a doctor you can see for that. I don't want guys in uniforms to take you away to the crazy house in a straitjacket."

Dolly said, "Nine. Be serious. Are we really aliens?"

"Baby, would I ever lie to you? Ringo, you're from Mars, which explains your red hair. My dad tells me that a lot of the inhabitants there have red hair."

"Far out, dude."

"Cool Breeze, you're from Neptune, which is how you got your blue cool nature. There are many musicians on Neptune, especially jazz musicians."

"That's crazy, jack."

Dolly said, "What about me, Nine? Where am I from?"

"We're from the same planet. Saturn, the same place where Sun Ra's from and where the Gypsy Woman is from. We were brought here as babies by our parents because the Axis wanted us here."

"The Axis?", they all asked in unison. 

"The Axis. You know how in Christianity, they have God?"

"Yeah."

"Well, the Axis is like that. She's our supreme being. She makes all the things that happen in the world happen. Sunrises are when she wakes up, sunsets are when she goes to sleep. Storms are when she's angry. All that jazz."

Ringo asked, "And this is all controlled by a woman?"

"Well, she's a spiritual being. But she takes the form of a woman. A BLACK woman."

"Wow."

All of our families, well at least our parents, are aliens."

"Did you just say you and your families are aliens?", a voice said from behind.

I turned around and it was William Szalinski and his twin brother Wyatt, a.k.a. "Dweeb and Dweeber." I called them "Willie Boy" and "Whinin' Wyatt". They were the epitome of aggravating conservatives. They would always come up to us and say stuff like, "Why don't you dress normally? Suits and ties are the way to go." Their daddy was a millionaire in the city and they were his heirs. 

"Yes, we're aliens, Willie Boy. Is there a problem?"

"That is a problem. I should tell Father's friend, Mr. Trump about you. He'll get rid of you."

"Oh yeah? Well, you tell Mr. Trump that if he ever tries to lay one orange finger on me or any of friends and family, I'll hypnotize him with my third eye and shoot him with my bop gun. You dig?"

"You don't have a third eye. You're all just tripped out and high hippies."

"I bet that when I come back from my training with the Gypsy Woman's army, I'll have one. How much do you want to bet on it?"

"My half of my father's fortune. $50,000,000."

"It's a bet."

We shook on it.

"Willie Boy, I just want to let you know that I've given you my word. My word is bond. Get out of here kid. And take ol' Whinin' Wyatt here with you."

"I don't have to go anywhere, you humanized, hippified rainbow."

"Did you hear me? I said leave!"

"No. Don't you know who I am? I am---"

"William 'Willie Boy' Szalinski, the sissified epitome of a rich and aggravating conservative twerp. I'm taller and stronger than you. Do you want to fight?" I bucked at him and both of them fell over. 

"I'LL SUE YOU!", he screamed when he and his brother ran out.

"Why have we been catching so much heat lately?"

"I don't know baby. But did you talk to the Gypsy Woman last night? I'm itching to meet her.", said Dolly.

"I didn't get to talk to her last night. She was unavailable."

"Come on, Nine! Please talk to her tonight."

"I will, baby. I'll try my best to get to her tonight."