Midnight Memories

t w e l v e

"Expect anything from anyone. The devil was once an angel." - Drake

Emptiness.

That's what I felt when I woke up the next morning to the sun streaming through the window, illuminating the room with an almost angelic haze. Next to me, Louis was still softly snoring, his freckled back the only part of him that was visible.

I stared at it, resisting the urge to run my fingers across his shoulder blade and the curve of his spine, memorizing all the parts of him that so few people would ever get to see. I wished that we could stay forever like this, just him and me. But forever was only for fairytales.

I planted a gentle kiss on his lower shoulder, him stirring gently before falling back into his deep sleep. I then proceeded to take off his tshirt, which I still had on, fold it, and set it on his chest of drawers. He would probably be wanting it back.

I pulled on my hoodie, zipping it up all the way, as well as my leggings. I most likely looked like a mess, but I was too worn out to think about that right now. I tied my hair up in a bun and left it at that.

From behind me there was a rustling, and I turned around to see Louis sit up, staring at me sleepily.

"Are you leaving?" He yawned, pushing his light brown hair out of his bleary eyes.

I nodded awkwardly. "Yeah i'm just going to head out."

"Okay." He flopped back down. "See you later."

I stared at him for a couple seconds, slightly appalled and hurt by his brisk send off. I wrapped my arms around myself and walked out of his room, down the hall, and out of the apartment, not looking back.

I was so upset, I wasn't even quite sure how to handle my emotions. Usually I was able to just box them up and hide them away in the parts of my mind less visited. But now it was as if they were leaking out of their barriers, flooding my brain, taking me over. The feeling was so overwhelming that I had to stop walking for a second to compose myself.

I loved him, I loved him so much. So much that I was willing to put myself through this, let him treat me like I was nothing, just so that I could be with him. One second of Louis Tomlinson was worth a lifetime of agony.

It was as if he had taken a knife and violently etched his name into my heart, leaving it carved so deep that even as layer after layer fell away, it would never fade. Maybe, after last night, things would be different. Maybe the letters on my heart would stop bleeding and finally scab over. Maybe now we could finally begin to heal.

I didn't want to be alone right now, I didn't think that I would be able to function. So instead of hailing a taxi, the second I got outside I walked towards the subway, the quickest and easiest way to get to NYU. It was a Sunday morning, so hopefully Perrie would be home.

I took the train uptown, stopping off at a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf to pick up some chai tea and a poppy seed muffin for Perrie, her favorites. There was barely anyone out at the moment, so I didn't have to be too embarrassed about my appearance.

I followed a girl in a sparkly silver dress with her heels in hand, obviously doing the walk of shame, into Perrie's dorm. Being careful not to spill her tea, I took the stairs up to her floor and knocked gently on the door.

It opened almost immediately, a beaming Perrie standing in the doorway, dressed in a kimono and fuzzy slippers.

"Hey darling! What are you doing here?"

From the other side of the room I saw Sophia, who was curling her glossy mane of hair. She did not look pleased to see me. "Yeah Stella." She said, snobbily as ever. "You do know that it's like 8 in the morning, right?"