Updates from LOFIAF

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Ugh.

Long story short I'm in one of those moods where I feel like writing again. How often do those happen? About every six months? Oh well. Most likely I'm not going to attempt it; I don't want a repeat of what happened with the trainwreck that was Tiny Little Ripples.

Anyway, during the last 4 - 5 months since I've updated, I've managed to get my hands on a computer and a phone, so that's been pretty cool. The reason why I'm writing this is because I was just on a plane reading fanfiction on said phone the whole time and now I'm on a huge pokefic binge again that probably won't last another two days. As usual.

Wolfiz and Rain want me to start writing again(speaking of which, they'll probably read this soon. If that's the case, then sup), but I'm not too sure. I've had three failed writing attempts thus far so that hasn't been helping with the case. That, and I'm not going to hide behind what I did with all three of them anymore: not outlining enough. For TCM and Night's Whispers, which I can't even remember if it's still up or not and is now a shitty one-shot book, I didn't outline at all. I just started writing because I wanted to, and at first that's what I thought my downfall was. Since I didn't plan enough, I lost the will to write those stories.

But then Tiny Little Ripples comes along and detaches my hypothesis from its already unstable hold entirely! I outlined and prepared much more than I did for TCM and NW. And yes, I do realize that that isn't saying much, due to my previous actions, or lack thereof, of outlining, but I actually worked hard with it. I persevered and eventually published it. It was supposed to be a short story: four fucking chapters long and I finished one. ONE. It has been in these past few months that I've realized what's been happening. It's not the fact that I lost inspiration(well okay that's some of it) and it's certainly not that I didn't "prepare" enough. It's that I'm fucking lazy.

You're probably thinking, "Wow, PA! It took you that long to realize????" Not really, in all honesty. It was always there in the back of my mind, haunting me. And I couldn't come to terms with it until recently because surprise: I'm pretty arrogant. I completely lost steam with all of my stories because I didn't want to work hard enough for the fics to actually amount to something. To this day, I regret that.

I wish that I could continue The Cavern's Messengers; I really do! It's one of the best ideas I've ever had, even though I didn't think of the idea for the actual plot of the book until I was 17 chapters in. But I'm sorry to say that I can't get nearly as excited about any of my stories, or writing in general, as I used to. I don't really get that excited about anything anymore. I have no permanent hobbies besides my instruments, and even then I sometimes struggle with those. I tried to get into writing; it worked for a while. I tried recently to get into composing music, and that isn't going well, with the same thing happening with my stories as it is with my songs.

Not to be cocky, but I am excessively intelligent for my age; that's good, I know. But it has also made me become extremely abhorrent to things that require actual work, and every time I try to pick up a hobby that does, I become stultified increasingly swiftly. Almost everything I know, I've taken to like a moth to a lightbulb, and that is what worries me. Because what will happen when I stumble across something that isn't remotely easy? What will be left of me after my unexpected aberration?

TL;DR: this was meant to be a newspost but it turned into a rant. Enough said, I needed to get it off of my chest.

Song: Speak to Me / Breathe(In The Air)(Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon)

- PA

Originally published on 1/10/2017.