It All Started With A Book

When I realize (what you mean to me)

He lays awake, deep blue eyes watching the minutes pass by on the digital clock resting on the nightstand. Jason's breaths are even, slow and steady, a gentle rise and fall of his chest that was rhythmic and threatens to lull Tim back to sleep but he fights the temptation so that he can enjoy this quiet moment just a bit longer.

It was rare to not have to be on high alert, to be ready to go out into the night and not return till the first strokes of dawn, when the sky changes from the black void to soft oranges and pinks. It's even rarer for Tim to have Jason stay the night with him.

He shifts his body so that he now lies on his back, pausing briefly to ensure that Jason continues his peaceful slumber. Once in the clear, he rolls over carefully so that now his back faces the alarm clock and he can see Jason.

Tim's lips quirk up into a soft smile as he gazes at Jason's face, lips parted slightly and lids shut over stormy blue eyes that knock Tim's breath out of his lungs every time they lock gazes. Jason's head rests on the fluffy pillow in-cased in a red satin pillowcase, his hair sprawled out every which way and his bangs hang over his left eye, cloaking it in soft shadows.

His eyes take in every detail they can, so drawn to the man laying beside him. It's normal he thinks, to capture every last feature and convert it to memory.

He feels his heart clench inside his chest, a tight, near breathless feeling as Jason shifts closer and his arm drapes over his waist.

His mind swirls with so many things he cherishes about this man, like his smile and his love for literature. Tim's favorite thing, though, the one thing he appreciates about Jason the most is his continuous care over Tim's own well being, that he makes a fuss if Tim doesn't get at least six hours of sleep every night or if he's eaten enough.

He loves that Jason brings out the best and worst of him.

That he make's Tim his top priority.

That he takes away the nightmares and holds him close. He recalls a moment between him and Jason that they shared, one that he will hold onto till the day he dies.

Where he lost his way, didn't know what to do and Jason had been there, had seen him in a state no one ever had. He was upset, eyes red-rimmed and puffy and glassy with tears. His cheeks were torn stained and his lips trembled and he swore he felt himself shaking. He waited for the mocking that was sure to come but it never did.

No.

Instead, he felt strong arms circle around his shaking frame and pull him into a broad chest and then a head rested on top of his. There were no words from Jason, just silence. And they stood there together and after awhile Tim looked up at Jason. He still wasn't sure about who kissed who first but he remembers standing on his tiptoes and Jason leaning down and then their lips touching.

It reminds him of the words: kiss away the pain, and no matter how cliche, that's exactly what happened.

He sighed in contentment, and his face took on a gentle look as he continued to watch Jason's sleeping face and how the moonlight peeking through the tiny crack in the curtains, was illuminating every inch of uncovered skin.

Tim lifted his right hand and gently began tracing along Jason's cheek, his fingertips felt the beginnings of stubble as he stroked. So caught up in his ministrations he failed to notice Jason's eyes peeking open and staring at him until he felt the crinkles by Jason's mouth.

His hand made to move away but was caught and held in place by Jason's against his cheek.

"What are you doing awake baby-girl?" His voice was hoarse and scratchy from not being used for a while and it made Tim's body involuntarily shiver.

"I didn't mean to wake you, I was just-" his voice cut off and his eyes broke their connection with Jason's. He let out a gasp when he felt Jason's hands move to rest on his hips and pull him onto of him.

"Seriously, what's up love?" The endearment made Tim's heart flutter within his chest as if it was a caged bird and wanted to fly free.

"I was just thinking".

"About?" He inquired, pushing for the full answer and settling for nothing less.

"You".

He was silent for a moment and it made Tim feel a bit foolish for saying it so easily and having Jason barely try to get it out of him. He felt heat flood into his cheeks.

"Me huh?"

Tim nodded instead of actually answering, he didn't trust his voice right now.

It made Jason smile at him regardless and it was almost magic how fast Tim's insecurities vanished and he relaxed again.

"Let's try to sleep baby-bird" he yawn after and his eyes went from fully open to about half lidded and Tim felt himself nodding again.

Tim shifted down so that his head rested on Jason's chest and he could hear the soft thump-thump of his boyfriend's heart, much like his breathing earlier, it was calming and before Tim realized it he was giving a yawn of his own and his lids began to droop.

He kept awake a few minutes longer, could feel Jason's breathes even out and hear the soft snore he'd grown so fond of. "I love you Jason" he whispered sweetly before allowing himself to drift off and be lulled to sleep by the beat of Jason's heart.

Jason's eyes peeked open briefly, a loving look on his face before he succumbed to the call of sleep.

And the words, I love you too, were left to hang in the air and blend into the silence of the room.