there is no elegant way out of this // l.s

chapter 1

It starts in the winter.

Louis begins at a New York private school after her family's move from Doncaster. She's not unhappy with the move because at least she's only a 'sophomore' which means she still has time to find some friends before the big things happen.

She walks toward the school in mid December, hair tied lazily back in a messy fishtail braid, feeling brazen. She wears the school uniform, but her tie's missing and her skirt is three inches too short.

No one yells at her.

New York in snow is beautiful, she realizes as she heads inside. She wishes she could stay here forever, in this singular moment, but time moves on and then she's being squeezed by a girl she doesn't know.

"I'm Niall," the blonde girl grins.

She, too, is wearing the uniform, but her shirt's untucked and she wears pink tights that are against the code. 

"Louis."

It's the start of it all.

She meets Niall's friends during lunch. There's Zayn, who watches Niall speak like she's the pope and wears a white scarf instead of the tie, Liam, whose uniform is in pristine and exact condition and watches Zayn like she's the pope, and Harry, who wears heels too high and colourful and watches the girls like they're her family.

"Breaking rules already," Zayn grins when she sees Louis' skirt. "A little reckless, don't you think?"

"A bit," Louis smirks. "I dig the short hair."

Zayn's hair is cut jaggedly, like she'd taken scissors and just chopped. It's nice on her, though. Stark and pretty.

"I had it shaved, but it's been growing in."

"Badass," Louis nods.

"I know."

-

Louis bonds with Harry the most. It's like they were meant to be friends, or whatever.

They spend most of their time with each other, in each other's rooms, trading stories. It's excellent and Louis is sure that Harry's her best friend in the entire universe.

"Lou," Harry says in late February. "Will you cut my hair?"

"No!" Louis shouts, too fast.

She loves Harry's long hair. It's all curly and messy and soft and beautiful. But maybe some of those things are just Harry.

"I like your hair. Do not cut it."

"But it's irritating."

"Get some head scarves." Louis supplies. "Lavender would be a nice colour on you."

-

It's mid spring before Louis realizes she might be in like with one of her friends.

She knows it's very, very bad, so she doesn't actually acknowledge the feelings. Just lets them grow as she fondly watches Harry stumble through the school in her heels, hair tied up in a silk, baby pink headscarf.

It's not long, though, before the feelings are too big to ignore. Like a baby in a belly, her crush grows from a fertilized egg to a full-term infant. 

She tells Niall first.

"I think," she says, air still cool even though it's late April, "that I may be in like with a certain curly-haired weirdo."

"We know," Niall responds, colouring her lips red. "It's been a big discussion in Zayn's room when you guys aren't around."

Louis has been out as a loud and proud lesbian since her first day. Mostly everyone's been really accepting. The people who haven't been have been socially exiled until they learn their lesson.