there is no elegant way out of this // l.s

chapter 2

Louis doesn’t make it around the corner before she’s sobbing so hard that she can’t breathe, can’t see, can’t think. She pulls the car to the side of the road and turns it off, pounding her fists against the wheel so hard the horn blares over and over again and her fists burn and ache and sting. The knuckle on her pinky finger begins to bleed, dripping blood down her fist.

Tears stream down her face and she’s never felt more fucked up. Harry's a goddamn idiot. An idiot who hates who she is, who denies it. Louis should've seen it from day one.

She doesn't know how she missed it.

She wipes at her eyes, still sobbing, and turns the car back on. She drives, not to her house, but to Zayn’s because she doesn’t want to talk. She just wants to get fucked up and Zayn’s the perfect person for the job.

-

The next day, she goes to see Liam because Liam always makes Louis feel better. Even if she makes her feel insane at the same time.

Louis pauses before knocking, unsure if Liam will understand why she let it go on for a long.

“Fuck it,” she says and then knocks.

Liam answers the door and Louis immediately wraps her in a tight hug, crying silently into the crook of Liam's neck.

She hugs Louis back, no questions asked, and closes the door, the most supportive person Louis knows.

“What’s up, Lou?”

Liam leads Louis to her bedroom, pushing them both down onto the mattress.

“Harry...she...said that liking girls was wrong,” Louis lays back on Liam’s bed, staring up at the intricate van Gogh-esque ceiling. “She fucking hates herself and she's taking it out on me. Can you believe that?”

“She did what?” Liam frowns, features turned down in hurt and confusion. “What exactly happened?”

Louis recounts all the gory details—she even mentions the leg holding, which is both too detailed and not detailed enough—and when she’s finished, Liam’s hugging her so tight she can’t breathe but it’s lovely because it’s Liam and Louis loves Liam. Liam is Louis’ best friend.

Louis sobs into her shoulder, hands fisted in her shirt, angry because she loves someone who hates herself so much she'd take it out on her best mates.

“I can’t believe that she’d say that to you! After she’d fingered you in the cinema and everything?!”

“I know. What a fucking hypocrite.”

“We’re going to act all Louis icy cool to her from now on. Fuck her. We don't play with homophobes. Want to watch Lilo & Stitch?”

“All of them? Even the one with the cousins?”

Louis’ and Liam’s names combined is Lilo, so obviously Lilo & Stitch had become a classic joke between them. Liam, though, hates the one with all of the cousins, claiming it’s ‘a cop out of a movie’. She’s full of shit, though, so Louis doesn’t take offense.

“Of course,” Liam nods, pulling back to press a kiss to the crown of her head. “Want some pizza? I’ve got some M&Ms stored from the last time.”

Soon school’s started again and Louis is a senior now, so she gets to do senior things.

She goes to the senior halloween bash dressed as the Queen (she even has stuffed corgis!) with Liam who goes as Katniss, Niall who goes as Rose Tyler, and Zayn who goes as Hazel Grace. They become a power group, though Louis remains the only single one. Zayn, Niall and Liam are going strong, but they accept lonely Louis into their relationship as the unofficial sex-less fourth member.