You Are My Destiny

Part 4 - "How will I survive this one week?"

Shit, I hope he didn't misunderstood what I did. No way he could know about my feelings - I thought while I was washing my hands. I wiped them, and then headed to the rink with anxiety. 

I really have to moderate myself.

Yuzu was already skating here. I grabbed my boots, and put them on. I was just watching him for a minute. He seemed to be calmer than before, so maybe my little monologue was useful.

Soon the other skaters entered the club and the rink. The training was normal, also little jokes came back between us, just like before the worlds. Gosh, I loved his smile so much. And his hair. And his concentrating face during the jumps. Honestly, sometimes it was hard to focus on my own training while he was here.

I've noticed that my feelings became just deeper and deeper towards him, and also started to realize that he won't be mine. There's no chance. I've never thought about this before - I just liked him, and knew I simply find him beautiful and unique. But I was never thinking about any possible relationship between us.

But now, I started to have dreams about him. I've never dreamt things like that before. My first was when I just re-dreamt that moment between us in the locker room, and I didn't rush to the bathroom, but instead he slowly kissed me. Other dreams was even more embarrassing. These were just moments though, but, uh... how can I put it, these were erotic. My hands under his training shirt, a moment when I saw him above me shirtless, with his beautiful smiling face. I always woke up at this moment, with my heart beating really fast. Another dreams were just about us, together, and all I knew is that I was extremely happy to hold his hands.

Although, these dreams were fantastic, they made me uncomfortable. It was so strange to see him in front of me, with these images in my mind.

I could keep it in secret... until Brian came back.

„What's wrong with you?" he asked me, while we were training, and my practice was just awful. Maybe I can even tell that I was never performing THAT bad in that rink before. Today, I didn't land a triple jump, not even once. It made me remember of my beginner days. I knew that's not good and this has to end somehow, or maybe my career starts to slide down in a slope.

„Nothing, coach" I smiled, trying to pretend everything is alright. "I'm just a bit tired, that's all."

„I can know when you are simply tired, or there are something in your mind that disturbes you. You are acting like the same when you had issues in your family. If not worse."

I didn't say anything, just sighed a bit. I won't EVER tell him. NO WAY.

„Coach, I..." I started some bullshit, but he interrupted me.

„You don't have to tell me what is it. But try to make some peace in your mind, or else your skating won't be better."

*

If that was not enough, when I arrived at home at night, my neighbours (those who are living on the same floor as me) were standing in the middle of the corridor, loudly talking, and they seemed really pissed off.

„What happened?" I asked them.

„Ah Javier, there's water damage in our floor due to a burst pipe" my immediate neighbour, the old Mrs. Wilson said. „Insurance will cover the damage, but we can't use water for nearly a week... everyone is so angry."

...That's really „great".No shower tonight.

*

„Uhm, Brian, may I ask you something?" I asked Brian, when we rested at the railing of the rink, and drank a bit right after the group warm-up and training.

„Of course, what is it?"

„Uhm... yesterday there was burst pipe in the flat where I live. I can't use water for a while. Until they repair the damage, can I take a shower and do my washing up here? It's really strange but I have nobody to move to" I scraped the back of my head. This is awkward.

„Of course! Uh, that's really bad... and how do you cook, and wash your clother until then?"

I shrugged.

„Hey Javi" Yuzu accosted me from my left side. I looked at him. „You can come to our house. We have water and also have a bed that is good for guests. You don't have to live that uncomfortable." He said with his still-really-cute english accent.

Is he serious?

„Oh my god, I can't accept that. That's too generous from you. Also I don't want to disturb your mom either."

„I'm sure you won't. Moreover I think she would be happy for that, she likes you" he chuckled a bit.

That... that would be... great, but also a struggle. I don't think that living with Yuzuru would make my recent problem and confusing dreams better.

But how could I refuse that offer? What could I say? „Ah you know I'm in love with you and I just can't live with you"? No way. What should I do now? He's waiting for my answer.

„Ah, maybe I could accept your help, I really... really thank you. But only if I really don't disturb anyone."

He gently hit my shoulder with his fist, and smiled at me.

„You WON'T. Ok?"

Oh God. How will I survive this one week?