You that I couldn't lose

so consistently all i need- 1

With the TV playing static and cigarette smoke filling the air, his pretty green eyes locked with my blue ones and the silence felt heavier. Not awkward, but empty. "You should probably leave. My roommates will be home soon and you've got to get back. I don't want you getting in trouble because of me." He shifted his gaze from me to the buildings outside of the living room window.

"Why can't I stay? I'm sure they'd understand," I whispered as I brushed hair from his beautiful face. "C'mon, baby. Just one night."

He shook his head and moved closer to the window, watching as the peak-hour traffic made its way past. "I've already said why, Brett. What more do you want." He was tense, and angry. I knew why I couldn't stay, but I never understood. I knew his roommates. We were all friends, so they weren't the problem. Was it the gay thing? I guess I'll never know.

"I don't understand. You're totally fine when we're all out together, and then I come home with you and you're like a different person. It's like you don't want me around. Like you don't want me at all." I rolled my eyes while he took countless drags of his cigarette. I'd made the silence worse. "Don't ignore me, William. I'm not playing this game again."

"I'm not ignoring you, just thinking of something smart to say."

"Do you really need to think of something smart to say? Can't you just talk to me like a person instead of a song writer? Not everything you say has to be lyrical. You do know that, don't you?"

"I know that, Brett. Don't be such an ass," He snapped. The fancy bottle of red we'd bought earlier sat on the table in front of me. We were having a good time when we opened it, celebrating a headline tour set in March the following year. "Why does everything have to be so complicated with us?"

I shrugged and picked up my, near empty, glass. "You're the complicated one." He smirked and made his way over, putting his cigarette out in the ashtray.  I bit my lip and pulled him closer. "Do we have to do this now? They're gonna be back any min-"

I cut him off with a soft yet forceful kiss. Reassuring. Demanding. His hands made their way to the back of my neck and mine to his waist. Wanting. I moved with him, to the couch, to the hem of his shirt. Anywhere he wanted, I was there.

Keys in the door, footsteps making their way over. William pushing me off of him. "Stop, we need to stop." He said, fixing his hair and readjusting his shirt. "You should leave now." His voice was soft but stern.

"Can't I stay just a little longer. Finish what we started?" I whispered. It was early. Around 4ish. I didn't want to leave. Without him I was lonely. Time seemed to go slower.

He shook his head and nudged me. "You have to go. You're gonna get in trouble."

"I'm not twelve anymore, baby. It's not like my mum can ground me for being out past curfew." I smirked.

"You're twenty seven and still living at home, Brett. You need to leave."

"Fine, I'm going. Don't expect a call tonight, after this. Fucking kicking me out." I groaned, shoving my shoes on and picking up my belongings. "Have the wine. I'm sure you'll have a lot of fun on your own."

"I'm not on my own, you asshole." He yelled. "What, you think that I can't handle being without you? That I have no other friends, except for you?" His arms folded over his chest, a fire in his eyes. "Fuck you, get out!"

"Why should I?!"

"Because this is my house," One of the roommates said. Andy was his name. Shoulder length, black hair. Short. He was in the band and always nice to me. This time, he wasn't. "You have to leave, now."

"This is bullshit, man." I whispered to myself as I walked out of their apartment door.

I made my way down the stairs of the building. It was one of the grungiest places in town, but they made it feel like home.

A million thoughts raced through my mind. I remembered the time William and I got hammered and we helped each other up these stairs. Laughing. My head was spinning, but the only thing I could see clearly was his face. The shape of his lips, his eyes, his hair. Even the sheer freckles sprinkled across his nose. Every. Single. Detail.

I remembered drunkenly telling him how beautiful I thought he was. He snickered and planted a kiss to my lips. He told me I was a fool for falling for him. I told him he was stupid for thinking that.

He invited me in that night. Only because he was worried I wouldn't make it home on my own. We didn't do much. We tried to help each other into bed, but failed and ended up sleeping on his lounge room floor.

"Fuck me," I whispered as I pulled myself from the memories and back to reality. Life really wasn't as great as it was then. In our drunken haze, climbing up endless flights of stairs.

I've really fucked it up this time.