You that I couldn't lose

somebody else -4

"Who's William?" She asked, eyes staring up at me. She was pretty, in an obvious way. She said she paints. Pictures. Pretty pictures.

I sighed and snatched my phone from her. "It's no one. Just a friend."

"He seems pretty worried about you to be 'just a friend'." She said, laying on my bed and playing with her short, blonde hair. "Is he like your brother or something?"

"Call him whatever you want, I don't care." She rolled her eyes and picked up her unfinished cigarette from the ashtray on the bedside table. "I don't wanna talk about it," I mumbled. "We're not in a good place, him and I."

"For someone who doesn't wanna talk about it, you seem to be talking a lot." She smiled. I laughed. "Tell me about him." She pat her bed, signalling for me to move and sit next to her. She passed me her cigarette and I began.

I told her everything she wanted to know. From the way he smiled at me in his happiest moments, to the sound of his voice when he'd told me all of the things I'd ever done wrong. From my favourite memories, to my least favourite. From the songs he played, to the awkward silences I had to fill.

"I haven't spoken to him in ages." It felt like I meant nothing to him. That I was just a simple star in an entire galaxy. "Maybe he doesn't feel the same, maybe he doesn't love me. I don't know. But he could at least be a decent enough person and say something."

"You said you were gonna call, over a week ago, Brett. And yet you're here complaining that he's said nothing?" She sighed, slight anger in her voice. "If I was this William guy, I'd be pissed too."

"Whose side are you on?" I asked.

"No one's! I'm just saying, you don't seem to be a very good boyfriend."

"Who said I'm his boyfriend? And if I was, I'm obviously not a very good one as I am, indeed, sleeping with you." We'd never 'officially' come out. I never said I was his, and he never said he was mine. Maybe she'd just assumed, but I never had the guts to ask.

"Touché." She said, holding a hand out for her cigarette. I handed it back to her and watched her cheeks hollow as she took in a drag. "You know," she started, flicking ash onto the floor of her bedroom, "you're a pretty shitty person."

"Excuse me?" I asked, confused. She hadn't seen much of me then, so I didn't understand. Now, if she'd told me that, I'd agree. "Would you like to elaborate on how, maybe?"

"You just- you hate yourself. You wallow around in self-pity when the guy you love doesn't say he loves you back. You drink and you smoke and you just don't care about anyone else's feelings. Maybe, he's in a bad place. You don't know, because you never asked. You never do. You're always feeling bad for yourself, but never him." She had a point. A big one.

"Indeed, touché."

-

I spoke to him later that night. Worrying that my words might catch in my throat. Did I look guilty? Because I sure felt it.

We went to the city with a couple of friends. He didn't seem mad, nor did he noticed my appearance. Guilt-ridden.

The night went on for hours.

12:01am, hands intertwined.

2:27am, my hand caressing his face.

3:46am, his hand on my thigh.

4:15am, my hand in his back pocket.

5:34am, lips locked and back on his couch.

In his bed.

The bathroom.

The kitchen.

"You wanna stay?"

"Do I ever?"

Fuck, eat, sleep, repeat.

-

His bed was warm. His body pressed against mine, my hand around his waist. "Am I your boyfriend?" I asked, wondering. I admired his long fingers and bright coloured nails. Always wore his personality on the outside. Gave everyone a taste.

"What made you think of that?" He laughed, eyes wandering around the room. Beautiful, green orbs.

"Nothing," I said, quickly. Too quickly. "It was just- a friend said something today, that's all." He nodded, shifting to lay on his back. "Am I?"

"Do you feel like my boyfriend?"

"More like a booty call."

"There you go," he said, sounding a little disappointed. "That answers your question." Sure it answered my question, but did it answer his? If he even had any, but I'm sure he had plenty.

He rolled back onto his side, and I brushed some of his hair behind his ear. Placing a gentle kiss to his neck. "You're so beautiful," I whispered, taking in his scent. He always smelt like home.

"Wanna go again?" He asked. I shook my head. "What do you wanna do then?"

"Shh." I trailed kisses down his neck, past his tattooed chest, his hips and his long legs. Draping one over my shoulder. "I think you're beautiful." He laughed as I slid him down the bed, pulling him closer to me. "I really do," I mumbled, brushing my nose against his.

"Never leave me," he said. His eyes searching my soul.

"I don't plan to."

- - - -

I feel this is shitty, and I know it's not my best but I've been searching for ideas and this is all I had. Currently, in real life, William just turned 23 and Brett now has a girlfriend?!?! U N H A P P Y -Bethany