In the Midst of War

Loving a Nazi

I walked in the front door and set the groceries on the dining table before I went to look for Emily. She wasn't home, of course. She had to work today, filling in for me so I could have a day off. I went into the study and sat in the large leather chair, reading a book I started the night before. I didn't want to be near Vladek at the moment, I didn't want to forget who I was or who he was. My mind knew that he was the Christian, the Nazi and that I was the Jewess, the vermin that roamed in the sewers at night. I gripped the book tightly as I thought about Vladek. Why him? That was my only question.

The door opened and shut quietly, the figure not saying a word until I set my book down. I looked at Vladek, a knot forming in my chest. Neither of us spoke for a while, I didn't want to talk to him and he wasn't sure what to say to me. After a few moments, he finally spoke up.

"Elyza, you are more than my friend," he finally said. I closed my eyes tightly, attempting to keep calm. I didn't want to have this conversation; I didn't want us to suffer the consequences of loving each other. I didn't want him sent to the concentration camps or put to death on the spot. I cared about him too much for that.

Vladek looked at me, waiting for me to say something. I couldn't without telling him how much I cared about him, so I stayed quiet. He came over to me and took my hand, kneeling next to the chair. "I would like to court you, Miss Adler." He whispered, kissing my knuckles. I looked at him, unsure what to say. Why was he doing this, just why?

"General Bauer, I must decline. Please do not ask me again." I said, pulling my hand back as I stood and made my way to the door. Vladek stood and followed me, inevitably trying to get an answer out of me.

"Elyza," He said as I made my way into the kitchen. "Elyza, look at me, please." He begged, taking me by the shoulders and turning me around. "What did I say that offended you?" He asked, his fingers kneading the back of my shoulders.

"You want to court me," I whispered, wrapping my arms around my chest. "You, a Nazi and a Christian want to court me, a Jew." I said a little louder this time. "General Bauer, I must decline your offer and ask you to find my sister and I an apartment immediately." I said, backing away from him. He looked at me, letting me escape to the room Emily and I shared.

I grabbed our suitcases and started packing what we had. The front door opened and shut loudly and the shuffling of feet and the rustling of bags was even louder. Emily's and Vladek's voices were muffled by the bedroom door, I could barely understand them. They talked for a long while, just long enough for me to finish packing Emily's bag. She came in as I started packing mine. She didn't say a word, she only came over to me and pulled my hands away from the suitcase. I stared at her, letting her talk instead of me.

"Elyza," She started; her voice soft and motherly. "Vladek told me about his offer and your reaction to it... I thought-I thought you liked him, Elyza. What changed, dear?" She asked softly. I looked at the space in between us as I spoke,

"I do not want him to suffer the same fate as us for having a relationship with a Jew. His colleagues would shoot him on the spot if they knew he was harboring two Jews." I whispered, leaning against her body. She held me, kissing my hair softly.

"I don't want to see him suffering our fate either, but he wants to because he loves you, Elyza. He's ready to renounce his title as a Christian for you, to give up being a Nazi for you." She whispered. I looked at her, my stomach churning.

"No, I have-I have to tell him he can't." I said, pushing away from her and going to the study. I found Vladek at his desk, his hands folded over each other and pressed to his mouth. His hair was a tousled mess and his uniform was slightly askew. I closed the door quietly and stood a few feet from his desk. He didn't look up at me, but he knew I was in the room with him.

"You can't give up your position or your religion, Vladek; it's too risky, too suspicious." I told him, finally getting his attention.

He looked at me; his hands are now wrapped around the daily paper. "That is not your choice to make, Miss Adler. But thank you for the suggestion." He said coldly, returning to his paper. I paced around the room, pulling a few bobby pins out of my hair and let it fall to my shoulders. I moved closer to his desk and took his papers away. "Miss Adler, that was-"

"Vladek, listen to me! Under no circumstances can you drop your status as a Nazi and a Christian. They could put you in a camp or shoot you!" I yelled. Vladek looked at me, his expression sobering some. "Please, Vladek, I don't want to see you suffer my fate." I said, much calmer now. He stood and looked at me, making sure he gave me space.

"Elyza, I understand what I am doing and what my consequences are. I plan to have you and Emily safely out of Germany when they come for me." He said as he wrung his hands together. "Please do not yell at me." He walked over to me and kissed my forehead. "Forgive me, Elyza." I gripped the sleeves of his shirt it my hands, I would not forgive him for ending his life now. He had too much to give up, more importantly I did not want to lose him. I looked at his chest, attempting to hold back tears as I said,

"I cannot forgive you, Vladek, because I would be lying to you if I did. I do not wish to lose you, but if I must, I do not want you to be the one punished." I looked at his eyes now, his eyes that were searching mine as I spoke again,

"I will take your place, so you may take care of my sister and marry her and give her a family and stay alive, together." I said quietly, averting my eyes from his. I loosened my fingers from his shirt sleeves and backed away from him. I did not want a good bye; for I know it will be full of tears. I would've snuck out that night, if I had to.

Vladek reached out quickly and grabbed my wrists, pulling me back to him. "No," He said firmly, lowering his face towards mine. "I will not allow you to do this, Elyza." He whispered. Tears slipped down my cheeks, against my best efforts not to shed a tear. Vladek wrapped an arm around me and wiped my tears away with the other.

"Then I beg you again, please do not give up your positions as a Nazi and a Christian, and live." I whispered through my tears. "I do not want to lose you." I added. He closed his eyes in concentration for a long moment. He circled both arms around my waist and pressed his lips to mine in a platonic way.

"I will stay," He said at last.