Confessions of Don Black

Chapter 5 - Handsome Sam

"Hhhheeeey! You," the uncle said, "come to pppapa."

One day he came home with a young lady so drunk that he stammered like a two-year-old toddler learning to speak Spanish.

"You're drunk," the lady said.

"Com' hheere riggght now," he said.

"Leave me alone."

"You're shhtaborn."

"Don't you dare touch me," she said.

"Yo' ddronk kop, ttoo cocky," he said," come hhhrere."

We heard shocking sounds coming from their bedroom. It seemed like a drunken brow. The beer odor engulfed the whole house.

"He's broke," Bongi whispered," he doesn't have a cent."

"You reckon?"

"Frustration is written all over his voice," she said.

The beating was so raucous that neighbors blew the whistle while others called the police. The police did not respond in most cases. That day they arrived in droves. We heard their loud sirens outside. They caused a scene with upwards of six vehicles. It was as if thugs robbed a bank. Neighbors hung by their windows looking at our house. The police broke our door without hesitation; they did not even bother to knock.

"Hands up!" one officer said.

I was frightened; they invaded our privacy. I raised my hands in fear. Bongi was in a trance; she did not move.

"All of you," another officer said.

"Lie down, face down!" another officer said to my uncle and her date.

"Flat on your stomach."

They beat my uncle so severely that the glasses in the cabinet broke. Uncle cried like a 1st Grader spanked by the school headmaster. Shortly after they left, he went to sleep.

"Come with us," an officer said to the woman.

"You two, go to bed," another officer said.

They took the woman with them. I could swear the lady came over to my uncle's place again after a week. I never forgot a face. She must have been really either in love or a sucker for punishment. The following Saturday morning, uncle went out for drinks. Meanwhile, we planned a silly trick on him as he left.

"Go grab a bucket, "I asked Bongi," I'll fix everything."

"Here," she said.

"Hold the chair."

I climbed ontop the chair to place the bucket full of water on top of my uncles' half-opened bedroom door, just enough to fall by just a little push.

"Brilliant," she said, "today he stops beating his girlfriends."

"I hope so."

Saturday evening approached; we went on with our daily chores.

Whew! Whew! Whew! (Uncle whistling)

He walked towards the door excited, and as he opened the bedroom door, the bucket fell all over him. It splashed him from head to toe. He shouted all the swear words in the dictionary. Fortunately, he was without a lady-friend.

"Little bastards," he shouted," Damn, you ruined my new shoes; I 'm going to kill you."

We ran outside towards the woods.

"Come here you little rats," he shouted.

We had no idea that earlier that day, he managed to score new shoes. The ones he always professed were a work of art, the toughest and the best shoes in the World. He used to rant and rave about them for days on end before the purchase. He mumbled while we were hiding behind a tree; then went to his bedroom to change. He came out with a beer in his hands.