I-... I'm not happy.
I don't like the way my life is at the moment.
Don't get me wrong. I have a lot of great friends that support me and are there for me whenever I need them.
I changed schools. Now I'm first year in high school and I don't really know people there. One girl from me previous class is in my class again. I've never liked her and I still don't.
I miss my old class. I'm not that kind of a person- well I guess I am. I just don't know what's happening in my life rn. I don't know what to do, how to act around new people and stuff...
When I was in seventh grade I dumped my ex-ex bff. We were friends since we were 5 or 6 years old. That's more than 7 years. She used me a lot... I was always the one who pays for her mistakes. I got an F because of her... I had to speak with the school director and then be late for my Russian classes because of her.
Then my ex-bff came to my school. She was listening rock and I thought she was cool. She wasn't using me and she was like me. I don't think she was understanding how I felt back then?
Now that I'm thinking about it I don't think I can call them ex-best friends.
They were never there for me when I needed them. I was there for them. Always.
And that's the problem. I'm giving too much in one friendship. And I want to receive the love I give back... But I don't.
I knew half of the school. I had 5 friends. That's all. My cousin, my cousin's bff (which is mine too), Emil, Ilina (I'll talk about her in a bit) and Stella (my ex bff).
I'm still talking with my cousin and my other best friend.
Okay. Now. The part where it gets all confusing. Stella, my ex bff. The reason that she is my EX bff is... I don't really know what it Is? She kinda stopped talking with and started to talk with Ilina's best friend.
Long story short, I don't have friends to talk in school. I have one. And she's from other class. I'm in the Spanish class and she's in the French one. You guys know her... We hang out last Friday.
I got depressed. Last year.
And it sucks to be honest. It really does. It keeps me away from talking with new people. Which is not the best thing that can ever happen to me. I'm in a new school and it's important to talk with new people.
But I can't. I'm too scared to do it because I'm afraid of what they are gonna think about me.
Yesterday I saw my cousin when I was walking home. Alone. Not that there aren't people from my class that walk the same way as me. I'm just not talking with them.
Anyway. I saw my cousin. She told me that she's waiting for her friend to hang out... Then I realized how I'm sticking to her and my other best friend and not really trying to find other people to talk with.
And that's one of the reasons I'm not happy. She's like all happy and finds friends very easily. She's a great person.
When I was in seventh grade a was extremely happy and I was always smiling...had a great girlfriend... I also realized that I'm part of the LGBTQ+ community. My mom wasn't accepting me. She still doesn't... We just don't talk about these things... Especially my sexuality. She thinks I'm straight. And she's saying it out loud. Always. And then I just look at her. And that's it.
I'm not happy. And I can't change it. I don't know how.
