Patron Saint | tayley ✓

two

Taylor stood in front of an audience of many of Hayley's friends and family as he prepared himself to deliver the eulogy he had written for her. He hated that he couldn't ask Hayley whether or not his speech was good enough to read in front of everyone else that would be attending the funeral. He hated that she couldn't reassure him and give him a smile and a thumbs up during the speech. He hated that she couldn't help him get dressed for the unfortunate occasion and tell him how handsome he looked, even with how broken he felt.

"Hayley changed my life," he got out after a moment of staring down at the paper. "Without her, I don't know if I would have been able to push through the obstacles of my life. I'm not prepared to lose her for good. I know that the friends of mine that have shown up today have, at a point, gotten sick of me reminding the world of my undying love for Hayley. And even now, after we've lost her, my love for her will not vanish. Years from now, I'm not going to forget the late nights we shared. The nights where I would complain about how I didn't want to be alive, and in response she'd hold me and tell me that I was going to be okay. We were going to be okay." Taylor looked back at the closed coffin behind him and bit down on his bottom lip.

"Unfortunately, it will no longer be both of us. But I understand that staying strong through this time of tragedy is what I need to do. It's what we all need to try to do. I won't forget the days where we'd do nothing, but we were okay with that as long as we had each other. We didn't need anything or anyone else. The fights we would have over things that only children would argue about, the times I'd run out for her to get her whatever food she was in the mood for but was too lazy to get for herself. Most of all, I'm never going to forget how complete I felt by her side. I'm never going to forget the feelings I felt when I was with her, nor will I forget that I was at my happiness all throughout our relationship. I never doubted the love I felt for her. And I never doubted her feelings for me. Unfortunately, I fear I'll never be able to fall in love again. With all the talks between Hayley and I where we hypothetically planned our futures — which included talk of marriage, of one day buying a house together, sometimes we'd even discuss the possibility of having children — I'd feel as though I'm betraying her, I'm betraying Hayley."

Taylor cleared his throat. "If I'm being honest, I was ready to propose to her. I was prepared to ask her if she would be my wife. I had even gone as far as asking her mother and father for their blessings. Unfortunately, I'll never get the opportunity to ask."

Tears fell from his eyes, his voice becoming shaky. His tears fell from his cheeks and met the paper that his speech covered.

Once he finished the emotional speech, Taylor didn't speak another word until he watched the love of his life being placed underground. He stood beside Hayley's mother and whispered "I'm sorry."

She glanced back at him with tears running down her pale cheeks, brought her arm around Taylor, and shook her head.

"Don't be sorry. You made her happier than anyone else ever did. She was so in love with you. You'll always be part of this family," she promised him.

Taylor was happy to know that even as lost as he was without the presence of Hayley in his own little world, he still belonged somewhere.

He left before the burial ended. It hurt too much to witness.