I am fake.
The realisation was a slow motion slap.
Wake up.
It takes a while to notice that you laugh at jokes out of courtesy.
Then these bad jokes become your sense of humour.
Then you lose your glow.
I've been forcing myself to step-up.
Forcing my voice up to speak clearer.
Striding around to appear confident.
But I am not.
I have been lying to myself.
This, is all an act.
It was for everyone, including myself.
The fake bows, smiles and conversations.
The fake enthusiasm.
The fake happiness.
I just like to make everyone like me.
I am determined to change.
But is that enough?
I have no backbone.
I have no ground.
Thin legs and a concave chest.
Who am I?
Should I be okay with not being liked?
I never thought I cared so much.
I hate caring so much.
If I changed though,
Would I change back to who I am, or something new?
I'm afraid of the consequences.
Which I might lack entirely.
Which makes it even harder.
I use to love to talk about anything.
Make jokes that made sense.
Have friends that actually liked me.
I never thought I would lose the battle between myself.
I never thought I would lose myself.
But I think I can try and seize it.
I just want to be okay.
