As Jon and Brendon disappear upstairs for a 'talk', Ryan tries in vain to focus upon the television set.
He dreads to think what's happening between them. He knows from seeing them together and sensing the tension in the air that there's something wrong, but he also knows that the two of them are bound to kiss and make up. They're perfect for each other. Both optimistic, happy to do drugs and they balance each other out perfectly. Ryan would just tip the scales with Brendon.
Letting out a heavy sigh, he lifts his feet onto the couch so that he can hug his knees to his chest. He buries his face into his knees and sniffs, in an attempt to keep the threatening tears in. Everything is going wrong. Despite Brendon seeming to trust and like him even more, Jon and Brendon are going to fall back in love.
That means that Spencer will be hurt. Ryan will be hurt. They'll probably be left behind, because Spencer is bound to kick the two of them out if Jon cheats on him. Ryan will lose Brendon, forever, and he'll probably never see him again. Throat constricting and eyes suddenly burning, he hugs himself even tighter. Damn. He will not cry, he can't cry, not again.
His vision is blurred as he tries in vain to watch television. The news is on, detailing some election campaign or other, and though Ryan usually tries to take an interest in such things, he has to take a deep breath and look away. Alright, Ross, he thinks to himself sternly, you're not allowed to get emotional over this. Brendon is not yours and he never has been yours. You're just going to have to accept this.
Just as he realises he's never going to be able to accept such a thing, Brendon re-enters the room. He sits down, next to Ryan, looking pale and shocked and tense. Concern rushes through him as Brendon stares emotionlessly at the floor, and then a moment later, Jon sinks onto the couch opposite. Jon, too, looks absolutely stunned and lost and much, much younger than he actually is. Ryan has no idea what's happening, so he glances between them and asks, "Is everything o-okay?"
"Everything is fine," Brendon mutters, evidently lying, and then his gaze moves to Jon. "Ryan."
Ryan blinks. Is Brendon addressing him? If so, why isn't he looking at him? Cautiously, he answers, "W-What?"
Brendon clears his throat and shows no sign of emotion as he asks, "Ryan, will you be my boyfriend?"
Oh. Oh. Ryan chokes, on air, and goes bright red. Is he hearing things? Is he going mad? Fuck, fuck, Brendon - Brendon just asked him to be his boyfriend. He basically just fulfilled Ryan's biggest want, biggest need. Oh God, oh God. What's he supposed to do? Say? Especially with Jon sitting there, staring at the boy who's spoken.
"Ryan," Brendon repeats, louder than before. "Ryan, kiss me."
"B-But --"
Brendon turns to him, at last, and his hand moves up to cup Ryan's reddened cheek. Ryan swallows, hard, because Brendon is leaning in, his eyes fluttering shut, and Ryan has no motivation to do anything other than kiss him. He lets out a small moan that hums against Brendon's lips as they kiss. Brendon deepens it, at once, his tongue sliding forward, and Ryan loses himself in the sensation.
The feeling of Brendon's lips against his ... oh, God, this is what he's needed, all this time, all of his life. They're soft and full and sending shivers up his spine, as their tongues move together, passionately. He forgets the atmosphere, the confusion, the fact that Brendon wouldn't look away from Jon. He forgets death and terror and his parents and ... him. He just thinks of Brendon and the warmth spreading between their mouths.
Dimly, he registers that Jon is talking, softly, but then suddenly Brendon is pulling back. Ryan takes the opportunity to catch his breath, and he licks at his lips, savouring the beautiful taste upon them. Brendon is a little flustered, but he's not even looking at Ryan anymore. Instead, he's staring at Jon, eyes slightly narrowed, as Jon walks away, phone attached to his ear.
"Bastard," Brendon mutters, under his breath, and Ryan flinches. After everything, after that kiss, is Brendon more bothered about his best friend? But he's asked Ryan to be his boyfriend, to actually go out with him, so surely --
"Sorry about that," Brendon laughs, suddenly looking cheerier than before, and then he's straddling Ryan, pushing him in the chest, making him lie back. His knees squeeze on either side of Ryan's thighs, tightly, and Ryan lets out a small whimper. He immediately forgets Jon and Brendon's complicated relationship, and grips Brendon's hips, tightly. He can't let this be a brief moment of romance. He needs this, he needs this, he needs this, he needs --"
"So," Brendon whispers, letting his breath ghost teasingly over Ryan's jaw. Ryan whines, from the back of his throat, and lifts his hips needily. "My boyfriend. Ryan Ross, my lovely," he kisses his nose, "sweet" his left cheek "adorable" his right cheek "beautiful" his jaw "boyfriend" and, finally, his kisses Ryan's lips, softly.
Ryan sighs, in happiness and contentment. He can't believe how amazing this is, how happy he feels, and how beautiful the boy on top of him is. He's trying not to question things, trying not to question the boy's - no, his boyfriend's, Christ - motivation, and instead focus on the amazing feelings.
"Ryan," Brendon mumbles, against his lips. He sits up, letting his fingers graze over the boy's sides, and stares down at him with a shy smile.
"Y-Yes?"
"Now that you're my ... boyfriend," Brendon begins, a slight blush upon his cheeks, "I want you to meet my friends."
Ryan blinks, and then smiles, puzzled. "B-But I've already m-met your friends."
"Oh, no," Brendon laughs, loudly. He then lifts a hand and covers one of his nostrils, before snorting heavily through the other across an imaginary line of powder. "I mean, you know," Brendon raises his eyebrows, and mimes smoking. "My friends."
Ryan's stomach lurches.
