Floetry: the Book of Poetry

What You'll Never Know

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What You'll Never Know
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I won't tell you,
But when you utter the words that you don't want me anymore,
I won't cry over you.
I won't sob myself to sleep,
I won't ache,
I won't ask you questions,
I won't fight for my right to stay.
I won't do anything but turn my back and follow your instructions.
I've only ever wanted to make you happy,
And if you ever think that I am keeping you from your happiness,
I will leave.
I won't cry.
I won't read our old conversations.
I won't look at our pictures together.
I won't do anything,
But move on.
Because I had already prepared for the moment.
I have already cried,
Sobbed myself to sleep,
Ached,
Asked questions,
Fought.
And though you didn't know,
I was proving myself the only way I knew how.

I've always hated when people said, "if you love something, let it go"
I never wanted to let you go,
So I tried to convince myself that I didn't love you.
I wouldn't tell you.
I would show you.
I would feel you.
I would love you the way I knew how.
With words.

I've built a shrine to you,
Just with words, love.
So no matter what happens,
You'll always be mine.
You'll always be that boy I wrote for until my fingertips bled,
Until my fingers cramped,
Until my wrist went numb.
Until my eyes burned from lack of sleep—
Nothing could stop the flow of inspiration you gave me.
Immense and intense just like every moment spent with you.
You never left me guessing.
You never left me lonely.

I ruined it.
I know I did.
And though it means nothing to you,
I'll always love you more than any man.
I'll love you more than my first,
And I'll love you more than my last,
Because you gave me something to live for.

This is my tribute to you,
This me in my rawest form,
This is before the aftermath,
And I love you.
I'm sorry I never told you.