To the Moon and back (My Thoughts)

PAX South and my anxiety

So I know that anyone reading this knows that I got to meet my heroes (at least most of them) on January 27 and 28th at PAX South. But many people may not see the anxiety I suffer with on a daily basis, something that is trying to hurt my beautiful memories at PAX, the last ones with my best friend, the first ones with our amazing friends, and the only ones I have with the amazing people who saved me from suffering alone in the darkness of Houston. And yes, Houston is a hurtful place for me. It saved my life but it ruined it all the same, just in a different part of Houston. Now, I'm a awkward human being. I was, for lack of a better term, mute when I was 3. I spoke at 2 years old, but at 3 I decided to stop talking. I was eventually able to speak again, but without many friends, most of my life, I have issues speaking correctly. I am very sorry. Not only am I awkward, but I can't speak to anyone. I can tell you that I usually get super excited to see most anybody, so you can say I fangirl over my friends at school, and especially my friends from PAX South and the RE Family (my amazing internet friends. Love ya!). And I can assure you I will be excited to meet anyone. I love people, which is weird because I am an only child who grew up with no friends to play with during the school day. My only friends were younger than me and went to the same daycare I did after school. The kids my age never liked me. And through my anxiety and the social anxiety I used to have (Wade, thanks for straight-up saying I got over it. You're the best!), I have learned to help others struggling with the same problems, even though I can barely help myself. It helps to talk, it helps to write, it helps to sing, it helps to talk with you. Yes, you, sweet friend reading this. You're amazing. You are talented. You are loved. And I think you're cool, and I'm proud to call you my friend, if you're cool with that! I honestly do not deserve all the kindness you all have shown me. And I wanted to talk you for it. Thank you for showing a girl who just lost one of the greatest people in her life that she matters, she is loved. If Dan ever reads this, when you replied "Likewise!" to my tweet saying it was amazing meeting you, I smiled so brightly. You made my day a thousand times brighter. Thank you for making this dark time bright. And Gar, if you ever see this, right now I am working on filming that video for "Gars Just Wanna Have Fun" and something very sweet to send to you. Your videos, especially Gang Beasts with the Fruit Loops, have helped and are helping me through dark times. I told Wade about that at PAX South (and if you see this, you da bomb Wade! And Molly, you're amazing!) and one day I will be able to tell Pat and JP how much they helped me too. All four of you guys are amazing. But, without Wade, I wouldn't have found you all. Bob, you probably won't see this but you are amazing and kind and very funny! I love watching you play with Wade, Jack and Mark, though I haven't seen y'all in a while. Might be a long time before I can again (my best friend  loved you guys. Izzy really did) Anyhow, I have to go cry from stress (nwhen am I not tho) and I have to go and write an angry chapter of this. Because literally everyone is pitying me over Izzy's death but I just want everyone to look at the bright side of this because we lost a great person when we didn't need to and we can help stop this. So I'ma vent about that in chapter 3, but I wanted to thank you all for making my life brighter. All of my friends and my heroes who are just normal people with extraordinary lives who do just what my friends usually do, give me hope. I love you all. Especially you, dearest reader. You are amazing! Most people don't deal with me very well, again I grew up practically friendless with insufferable adult relatives (they still make me mad to this day, the bullies) but you take the time to read what I write. Thank you! It means so much to me!

I love you all. Thanks for everything!

Brooke🎤

🐺🦎🐻🐓🦊🍞🌝

💙Izzy's Army💙