Against The Fate || Clalec || ( A Clary and Alec Fanfiction)

Chapter 22: Ruthless

Alec

"Alec Lightwood, wake up!" A very delight voice rang in my ears. Familiarly sweet and cheery. Making my eyes slowly cracked open.

"Finally." The sound was followed by a light giggle, closely gentle.

When my eyes were fully open, I was greeted by the view of Clary sitting on the bed besides me. Familiar over-sized t-shirt and sunny bright-looking face, her red hair was flowing beautifully. Warmth filling up my chest. The sunlight from the opened window filled the bedroom.

I smiled. Grunted softly as I turned and laid my head on her folded laps, snuggling my face close. My hand reached her hand, holding it tight. "Good morning, love." I closed my eyes again. Her skin was soft under my cheek.

"I used to believe you were a light sleeper. Seems like I was clearly mistaken, wasn't I?" Her voice, itsounded like a music in my ears.

"Oh, I was a light sleeper," I stated, matter of factly. "But then you come around, you sleep here. Making it hard to just go straight to bed at night, leaving me drop dead sleepy in the morning."

I opened my eyes and saw her cheeks were tainted red. My grin broke out. "Alec!"

I chuckled, enjoying her expression. "The sleepless night was worth it." I teased her again.

Clary rolled her eyes, but a smile escaped her lips anyway. She looked away, focusing on my head, she used her free hand to play with my hair, running her fingers through it, caressing it affectionately. I could feel her love from her touch, and I loved it so much.

"You've got to get up, you know?" Her green eyes shone brightly, the emerald color of it. The light freckles on her cheeks was visible and so beautiful. She was beautiful, in every place. Not the type of flawless beautiful, not the dangerous or elegant beautiful either. She was Clary-beautiful. With all the flaws and faults and stubbornness. But she was beautiful just like this.

"Not really."

"Yes, you do." Her eyes met mine again. There was something firm and necessary in her voice and eyes now. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly as she asked, "You don't forget, do you?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Forget about what?"

She gasped, then her lips turned into a scowl. "Alec! We're going gift shopping," she said, "it's Max birthday! How could you forget?"

I asked myself whether my ears had mistaken her words.

"Max?" I found my own lips spoke faintly. I got up from her lap, looking at her with a confused look.

Clary sighed as she rolled her eyes. "Yes, Max! You know, nine years old. Dark hair. Grey eyes. Your little brother." She said in an oblivious tone. As if it was stupid of me to ask.

Max?

But Max..

I looked at her, my eyes stared deeply at her eyes, then moved around her face. Everything in my mind was suddenly became a mess, blurry even.

"Come on, now, don't look at me like that. It's not me you're upsetting. It's Max. But he wouldn't find out that you forget," she got up from her position and leaned closer towards me, giving me a peck in my lip while I sat there, with my confused expression. "Get up, Alec. We don't want hin to wait any longer. He'd been whining all night if we dont buy the gift quick."

My red haired girl then got out of the bed, walking toward the mirror. Just stood there examining her look. "I think I'm a little taller now." She muttered.

"Clary?" She gave me a side glance, humming shortly. "Where is Max?"

"Downstairs." She said. My heart was suddenly beating fast against my ribcages. I slowly stood up from the bed, slowly approaching her. My eyes were wide. And I stopped a few steps in front of her when she turned to face me. Her eyes looked confused. "Alec, what's wrong? You look pale."

"Clary," my chest hurt, suddenly I felt as thin and hollow as a paper. "Clary, Max is dead."

Suddenly I could feel everything trembling around me. Blurry. I could see everything fading. My Clary, she's fading along as everything went darker and darker around me.

"No.. Clary- don't leave me again-"

I woke up with heavy breathing and tears smudging my eyes. Again.

Just how I have been these past few days.

All wounded and broken inside.

I could feel everything came back and hit me back in all the sudden, so brutal and painful. All the memories of what had happened.

I'm all fucked up, that's what.

Eversince Clary left, nothing had gotten better here. If anything, things got worse.

It was so selfish of her to leave when things got this bad. I wished I could just run the way she did. I wished I could just disappeared someday.

Screw pretending to not feel anything.

I'm mad and angry and scared and confused and messed up. I'm tired of it all.

The girl I loved was nowhere around me, I lost my parabatai's trust, my sister hated me just as much as I hated myself the moment she found out the truth.

Why is love so ruthless?

I'd cursed myself over and over again but I know it's no use.

I'd try to find Clary again but I dont know what I'd do then. I dont know if I could still love her when she's the reason I hate my life so much right now. I dont know if I could still love her shen things got this bad.

It's my fault too.

Heck. I know it fucking is!

By the angel, what do I do now?

Getting up from my bed, I know what I'd do is a death wish, but things had to be done. I couldn't hide forever so even if it would kill me, then let it be.

I'm filled with pain, sadness and regret. Overflowing and tiring. Like a never ending parades of brutal ache. I'd go back in time and fixed everything if it means I could make everything right again. I'd never even glance my eyes at her if it means I could save me this whole problem. I'd swear myself to run as far as I can the moment the thought of her slipped through my mind.

I'd do it all.

And he has to know it too.

_____________________
Hello shadowhunters,

Surprise!

I am back from my long, long break.

And before you hate me for what I've done, I'm just letting you know that I actually planned to never return.

But I'm here now and I'm planning to stay around and finish what I started, I'm not leaving anymore.

Thank you for all the supports and comments. They meant a lot to me and they're one of the major reasons I stay around.

-Liana