My American Love

Chapter 20: Companion

We're at the gas station, it's night time and were making sure to have a full tank before we head to Las Vegas. I decided to grab some water and energy bottles for us because I know it's gonna be a long drive.

"I'll just buy something."

"You want me to come?"

"No need." I opened the door, "Yan lang yun bilihan oh."

So I went to the store by myself. Pagkatapos kong kumuha ng vitamin water ay pumunta ako sa mga chichirya dahil baka gusto nila. Pagkatapos kong kunin ang mga kailangan ko ay dumiretso na ko sa register para magbayad habang nagbabayad ako may  pumila sa likuran ko at naglalandian sila. I even heard smooches. Out of my curiosity I look at them. But I regret it after because I saw him. I suddenly felt fragile, scared. I remembered everything. The guy who broke my heart years ago. He still looks the same. He still acts the same. I don't know why I'm staring but I know I felt something on my heart. It's hurting. But I know somewhere deep down that I am strong person, but I fight against it, because what kind of strong person would be so scared?

Well, I know I am stronger than probably most people who have gone through this.

He opened his eyes and our eyes met... again.

He winked at me. Hah. Same as before. A flirt. A cheater. A heartbreaker.

"Would you like your receipt?"

"No." I look at the cashier and grab what I brought from the store, "Thank you."

I look at him one more time but he didn't looked at me.

I  just can't help but feel the weakest.

Hans is the one who's driving and Nicole is in front with him. While I and the twins are here at back. The twins are sleeping, and I'm just staring outside the window. I can't sleep. I can't stop thinking about him.

Pathetic.

I know.

Hindi ko akalain na naniwala ako sa sinungaling na tulad niya. Hindi ko akalain na hinayaan ko ang sarili kong lokohin niya.

I still feel like he's still cheating one me even though he's out of my life for years. I still feel like he's playing me because we never broke up.

I'm wondering and worrying and sitting in the fragile mess I've created in my head. I know that no one else can clean up that mess except me.  It's not that easy, as much as I want to forget it all. I want to forget that any of my past ever happened. I just want to move forward and be the best person I can be for the next person that comes along. I want to pretend that I am this strong person.

A tear fell in my cheek.

This can't be happening.

I woke up from the twins voice. And opened my eyes because of my Bestfriend voice.

"We're doing better. It's not as much of a problem as it was a few years ago."

"I feel like we are more secure as a couple now. I'm not sure I would say the problem is solved, though."

"Do you feel like anything has changed?"