5SOS Preferences

You try to commit suicide

****TRIGGER WARNING- DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OR COULD BE TRIGGERED- READ AUTHORS NOTE****

ASHTON-

You had been getting so much hate from his fans lately. "Y/n is fat" "she's ugly" "Ashton could do so much better" "Ashton should dump her nasty ass" but the worst was when they had "#killyourselfy/n" trending, that was when you had had enough. You hadn't cut since you met Ashton. He helped you stop, he'd always be there when you felt like relapsing, but right now he was away on tour. No one was here to help you. With tears streaming down your cheeks, you ran to your room and grabbed your old blades from under your shared bed and ran into the bathroom. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and screamed and punched the mirror, causing it to shatter into a million pieces. The only sound to be heard was your loud sobs. You sank to the floor with your back against the wall. Painfully slow you dragged the old razor across your skin until blood dripped onto the tile floor. You cried and cried. "Y/n babe what's-" Ashton walked in to the bathroom, both of you shocked by the sight in front of each other's eyes. "Y/n what are you doing!?" He screamed and ran to your side. He kneeled beside your half conscious body and grabbed a face cloth and wrapped it tightly around your new addition. "Hey Ash" you dryly laughed as you continued to cry. "What happened?" He cried cleaning up your wrist. "I was trying to please your fans." You whispered avoiding all eye contact. "Wh- what do you mean?" He asked, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. "They wanted me to kill myself... So I tried." You said completely emotionless. Ashton sat in complete disbelief. He picked you up and sat you on your bed, while he went and flushed your blades. He came back into your shared room, his back against the headboard, and placed your head on his lap running his hand over your hair, whispering "you're perfect to me, I love you" every time he did. "I'm sorry Ash" you whispered half asleep. "Don't be sorry y/n. Get some sleep, we'll talk about it after" he said as you drifted off to sleep. He then tweeted "Ashton5SOS: to those "fans" who told my girlfriend to kill herself, you're a disgrace and not a fan of mine."

MICHAEL-

You and Michael were laying in your shared bed. He was sound asleep, you were wide awake. Between the constant fighting with your family, losing all your friends because they stabbed you in the back, fans hate getting to you, and the stress from going to university, having a job, and your relationship with Michael, you started drinking heavily. You tried drinking away your problems. When Michael found out he helped you become sober. You put your headphones in hoping music will help, but ironically, 'Hate Me by Blue October' came on. (Listen to this song, it's actually amazing) You slowly got out of bed, careful not to wake Michael. You opening the door to your balcony and leaned against the stone railing, taking deep breaths. You hadn't realized you were crying till you felt something land on your hand. You wiped away your tears to no avail, and started pacing back and forth, running your hands through your hair. "I can't fucking do this. I'm not good enough. You're a waste of space. Kill yourself" you whispered to yourself. You looked over the edge once more before putting one leg over the edge, followed by the other leg so you were sitting on the railing. "I'm not strong anymore" you whispered as you let go. As you slowly started to fall you were yanked back, you and Michael falling onto the ground of the balcony. "Y/n, what were you doing!?" Michael screamed panicked. "You should've just let me died" you whispered into his chest over and over again. "No please darling don't ever say those things" he said as he rocked you both back and forth and you cried into each other's arms. "I'm sorry Michael. I love you" you said, barely audible. "I love you to the moon." He said "and back" you weakly smiled at him as he kissed your head picking you up where you later feel asleep tangled together in a heap of raw emotion.

CALUM-

You were alone. Triggered and alone. You were fat. Worthless. Pathetic. The voices kept going and going. You deserve to die. Calum doesn't love you. You're his charity case. You had stopped taking your depression medicine and it was taking a toll. You felt sick. Physically and mentally. You walked all around your shared apartment/flat with Calum. He was at the studio with the other boys recording songs for their upcoming album. You went into your closet and pulled out your gun. Put in one bullet and only one and spun the barrel. We'll see if the world wants me here you thought. You slowly sat on your bed and put the gun to your head after turning the safety off. You slowly pulled the trigger back further until you heard a gasp followed by foot steps. Calum ran and kneeled in front of you, tears streaming down his face as well as yours. "Y/n, baby, please. Give me the gun." Calum begged looking into your tear filled eyes. You held the gun a little longer before handing it to Calum who quickly looked in the barrel to find the one bullet ready to be fired. His breathing became shallow, knowing what would've happened if he came home any later. He pulled you up so you were standing and hugged you as tight as he could. You both stayed in that position, crying into each other's arms crying and whispering "I'm sorry" and "I love you" to each other for what seemed like hours. "Please never scare me like that again. I couldn't live without you." He whispered, his hand on your cheek. "I won't, I'm so sorry Cal." You said as he leaned down and kissed away the tears streaming down your cheeks.

LUKE-

You and Luke had another argument. This one being the worst yet. Things were said, things were thrown. It ended with Luke giving you an icy glare, saying "I don't love you" and he stormed out of your shared place. You could feel your heart shattering in your chest. Your world collapsed right in front of you. You sank to the floor and cried. He was the one good thing you had, the only stable thing in your life. And he walked out. The longer you sat there choking on your sobs, the greater your desire to die became. You picked yourself up off the ground and slowly made your way up the stairs. You walked into the bathroom and just looked at your reflection. "I don't love you" you repeated his words. You screamed and sank back to the ground. You couldn't take it anymore. You were done. You stood up and looked for the strongest pills you had. You eventually found heavy dosed sleeping pills, half a bottles worth. You unscrewed the cap and slowly brought the rim of the bottle to your mouth. You had a few pills in your mouth before you felt someone come up behind you and put their hands around your stomach as if they were doing the heimlich maneuver. You had no idea what they were doing but you soon realized they were trying to get you to spit out the pills. You started pounding on their hands trying to get their grip off of you but they were too strong. They did it once more and the pills came flying out of your mouth. You turned around, furious what they had done. Your eyes were met with those of the one who didn't love you. "Y/n what are you doing?" He cried pulling you into his chest. You tried pushing him away pounding on his chest "stop, stop! I wanna die!" you screamed hitting his chest. You then fell into him and wrapped your arms around his waist tightly. "I'm so fucking sorry princess. I didn't mean it. I love you to death" he cried kissing you. "I love you" you said back. He made you tea and made you tell him exactly how you felt. Which ended in more tears but Luke promised he'd help you and would never leave you, you were his one and only.

*** AUTHORS NOTE ; ***

If you are or have been suicidal or triggered by anything please kik me @dying_for_perfecti0n (the 'o' in perfection is a zero) , I'm here for all of you and I know how you feel or have felt. It was triggering just writing this for me. I'm always here for you guys. I love you and you're here for a reason. Don't give up.